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Benares, was sent 
to Takkasila to study. One day, 
when going to bathe 
with his teacher, he ate some white 
seeds which an 
old woman had spread in the sun 
to dry. He did 
this on three different days. On the 
third day, the 
woman reported him to the teacher 
and he was 
beaten. When Brahmadatta 
ascended the throne, he 
sent for his teacher, wishing to 
avenge this insult 
by killing him.The teacher did not 
come until the 
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king had grown older, but when he 
did arrive, the 
sight of him so kindled the king's 
hatred, that he 
ordered him to be put to death. The 
teacher however, 
told him that if he had not been 
corrected in 
his youth, today he would be a 
highway robber. 
Convinced that the teacher's action 
had been due 
to a desire for his welfare, 
Brahmadatta showed his 
forgiveness and showed him all 
honour. The JAtaka 
was told in reference to a monk 
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who showed resentment 
when advised. 
J.ii.277ff. 
C.3 Ex. AnAthapiAIika bribes son 
to learn Dhamma 
AnAthapiAIika also had a son who 
was a troublemaker. 
He bribed his son to go to the 
temple. The 
son went to the temple and curled 
up and went to 
sleep there. He didn't hear any 
teaching. As soon 
as he woke up he went home again 
to claim his 
prize. He got his prize and a new 
bribe — this time 
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more — to go to the temple, listen 
to a sermon and 
remember one teaching well 
enough to relate to his 
father when he got home. If he 
could remember 
more than one teaching he would 
get more money. 
His father paid up each time and 
before long the 
son was going to the temple 
regularly. At first the 
son was only interested in the 
money. Later, the 
teachings started to be absorbed 
into his heart. One 
day the Buddha saw that the son 
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was becoming 
more ready to understand the 
Dhamma and so that 
day He taught on a very difficult 
subject. The son 
tried his hardest to understand. 
Because the son's 
mind was concentrated on only 
one thing then he 
could become a stream-enterer. 
That day when he 
went home and his father offered 
him money he 
wouldn't take it saying that he 
already had some/64 
A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
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thing more precious within 
himself 
DhA.iii. 1 89ff. 
C.4 Ex. Godha JAtaka (J.141): 
Perils of not selecting a child's 
friends 
At that time the baby iguanas and 
the baby chameleons 
were the same size. The father 
iguana warned 
his son not to play with the 
chameleons saying that 
they were of a different grade. The 
baby iguana answered 
back saying,"Oh Dad! Don't be 
such a snob. 
After all we're all reptiles 
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together!" 
The father advised,"it's not just 
that we are reptiles, 
but we have a different physique 
and different 
habits. If you keep on associating 
with them, in 
the end, danger will come to our 
door." 
However, with the wisdom of a 
father, he knew 
that his stubborn son would not 
listen and the result 
would bring disaster not only to 
himself but to 
the rest of the family of iguanas 
too. Therefore the 
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father set to work digging an 
escape route at the 
back of their burrow. 
Before long, it was just as the 
father Iguana predicted 
— the baby iguana grew fast and 
strong. The 
chameleons grew only a little at a 
time. The baby 
chameleons were weighing a few 
hundred 
grammes but the baby iguana was 
several kilogrammes 
in weight. Now when they engaged 
in 
play-fighting as they used to do, 
the chameleon was 
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beginning to get seriously hurt. 
The iguana didn't 
realize his own strength. This time 
the chameleon 
had no mercy left for his old friend 
and it called to 
some hunters who were passing by 
and pointed to 
the iguanas' burrow saying that 
they could catch 
something to eat there. The hunters 
pushed dry 
grass into all the openings of the 
burrow and set 
fire to it sending smoke deep 
inside the burrow. The 
baby iguana came running out of 
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the burrow and 
was killed by the hunters. Many 
other iguanas in 
the family suffered the same fate. 
Only the father, 
smelling the smoke, immediately 
realized that his 
prediction had come true and made 
his escape by 
the escape burrow that he had dug 
for himself. (At 
that time the father iguana was the 
Buddha himself, 
the baby chameleon was Devadatta 
and the 
baby iguana was a bhikkhu who 
had associated 
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with Devadatta and had caused a 
schism of the 
SaIgha). 
J.i.487ff. 
Blessing Thirteen: Cherishing our 
Husband or Wife 165 
A. INTRODUCTION 
A.1 Aim in Life: Marriage versus 
celibacy 
In some cultures, such as those of 
Indonesia, there 
are only two logical answers to the 
question, "Are 
you married?" — "Yes" or "Not 
yet"! Western culture 
might not see marriage as quite so 
much of an 
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obligation, but it should be 
declared from the outset 
with, that just because the Buddha 
says "Cherishing 
One's Spouse" is a blessing, does 
not mean 
there are not superior ways to 
become blessed! 
Rather than advocating marriage, 
what the Buddha 
meant in teaching this blessing is 
to remind us 
to avoid the dire consequences of 
having a spouse 
and not cherishing them. Marriage 
can be a minefield 
— thus, if you don't have a spouse 
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and don't 
plan on procuring one, you can 
skip this Blessing 
with a sigh of relief. 
For westerners, marriage has 
traditionally been 
portrayed as the high-point of 
happiness in life. The 
fathers of western attitudes — the 
Ancient Greek 
philosophers — have seeded the 
delusion of idyllic 
matrimony with the sentimental 
idea about a 
man and women mutually 
searching for the "other 
half' who will make them 
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complete (— oblivious 
to the fact that you could say the 
same about rabbits, 
ducks, crows or any other sort of 
animal fulfilling 
its urge to mate). Consequently, 
celibacy does 
not feature visibly as a 
demographic option in the 
west. 
Buddhism, by contrast, bases its 
practices on the 
conviction that every person can 
be complete in themselves 
if they train themselves earnestly. 
As mentioned 
in Blessing Six, Buddhism 
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idealizes the "exclusively 
spiritual" aim in life and thus the 
Buddha 
advocated a life of celibacy 
because life as a 
couple always leads to 
compromises in the intensity 
to which one can cultivate ultimate 
peace and 
purity of mind. In many 
non-western cultures 
around the world, celibacy is an 
option chosen more 
and more by professionals, 
especially women, who 
want to devote their time and 
efforts to their life's 
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work — they realize that 
otherwise, because of the 
expectations of society, marrying 
would involve a 
conscious decision to drop their 
career. It is also traditional 
in many Asian cultures for couples 
to become 
celibate in their married 
relationship after 
their own children have grown up 
and left home. 
Those with the inner strength to 
renounce the married 
life can thereby enter the 
"fast-lane" of spiritual 
development — however, in 
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practicality, renunciation 
of the married life is difficult, 
because it 
requires the ability to see through 
the illusory nature 
of the self and of the 
sense-pleasures. Most 
people realize the truth only when 
they are already 
married and are find themselves 
saddled for the 
rest of their lives with the more 
detestable side of 
their partner. 
Buddhism accepts the reality that 
renunciation is 
not for everyone, and thus does not 
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decry marriage. 
Even if the idea of renunciation 
appeals to you, once 
Blessing Thirteen: 
Cherishing our 
husband or wife 
166 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
married you cannot just shrug off 
the duties you 
have taken on yourself 
you 
need to take proper 
responsibility for creating 
happiness in your marriage 
to make a success of the path of 
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life you 
have chosen for yourself. Although 
the married life 
doesn't correspond to the highest 
of aims in life, 
nonetheless, if one can cultivate 
contentment with 
one's spouse and thereby avoid 
promiscuity— it 
can give considerable leverage in 
one's self-development. 
Creating success in marriage is a 
major 
way of cultivating goodness of 
character. It is to 
such readers that this Blessing is 
directed. Wrongly 
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approached marriage can be a 
nightmare turning 
the closest of lovers into the worst 
of enemies. By 
contrast a properly fulfilled 
marriage will be longlasting, 
avoiding the bitterness of divorce 
and creating 
blessings both for that couple and 
for society 
as a whole. 
However, be warned! Most of the 
content of the 
Buddhist Scriptures deals with 
monastic issues and 
thus tend to idealize those who see 
through the folly 
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