EFTA01160176

undermining parent child 
relationships, as the 
child grows bigger and stronger, 
the parent will 
be less and less able to control the 
child's behaviour 
by force. The objective parents 
should have 
in punishing a child is to shame the 
child from 
doing such an evil thing again. 
B.3.2 Teach your Child to be 
Established in Virtue 
The first "good friends" to each 
and every one of 
usin the world are our parents or 
guardians 
they 
EFTA01161436

are the ones to instill the virtue of 
"being a teacher 
to yourself' [yonisomanasikAra] 
in a child — and 
each parent must take 
responsibility for such a duty 
— from the time their child first 
opens their eyes to 
the world onwards. There is ample 
medical and 
psychological evidence to suggest 
that every individual 
is impressionable right from the 
time of being 
a baby — for example a baby 
whose nappy is 
left unchanged regularly and soiled 
EFTA01161437

for long period 
of time is liable later in life to 
unhygienic and messy 
habits. 
Thus parents should not be 
neglectful in settingup 
the sort of habits they would like 
to see in their 
children — as for higher virtues—
the importance 
is proportionally greater 
you 
cannot just wait 
for teachers or schools to do the 
job for you 
they 
will never be able to give full 
attention to the task 
because their students are many 
EFTA01161438

and the time for 
each is limited 
and what's more 
a children's time 
spent at school is still less than the 
time spent at 
home. 
For all of these reasons 
the 
instilling of virtue 
in children is an important duty for 
the parents —
right from the time the child is still 
a baby. It is a 
duty which requires perseverance 
and consistency 
and requires an understanding or 
sequencing and 
graduation in virtues taught to 
EFTA01161439

know what to teach 
a child first and what to keep until 
they are older. 
Just as mentioned for "preventing 
your child from 
doing evil", the parents can 
influence the child in a 
positive ways by: 
1. Setting a good example to your 
child: parents should 
show their generosity, do chanting 
etc. in front 
of their child and be seen by their 
children to 
take an interest in reading books 
on beneficial 
subjects. 
EFTA01161440

2. Choosing good friends for your 
child 
It may seem trivial or overzealous 
to worry about 
so many aspects of a 
child'senvironment and de160 
A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
velopment. However, it should be 
pointed out that 
a child left to his own devices has 
a very slim chance 
of developing into a well-balanced 
adult. Just as a 
child left alone will choose junk 
food or convenience 
food rather than nutritious food 
EFTA01161441

and grows 
up physically weak, a child left to 
choose its own 
sources of knowledge with out any 
guidelines will 
develop a flawed character. Thus, 
every child who 
grows up with a genuine respect 
for the Precepts 
and meditation together with a 
generous heart, does 
so only as the result of unflagging 
enthusiasm by 
his parents for instilling the value 
of Dhamma practice. 
Of course the possible virtues you 
can teach to a 
EFTA01161442

child are many, but the most 
important in the development 
of "being a teacher to yourself' 
are: 
1. Knowledge of the highest aim of 
Buddhism (the highest 
aim in life of humankind). 
Buddhism teaches 
us to pursue perfection — when our 
perfections 
are fulfilled we will be able to 
overcome the last 
of the defilements in our minds —
and we will be 
able to break free from the cycle of 
rebirth. 
2. Knowledge of how to practice in 
EFTA01161443

order to achieve our 
highest aim in life: normally the 
threefold practice 
of self-discipline [sEla], meditation 
[samAdhi] 
and wisdom [pafifiA]. 
3. The four virtues for a 
householder: [gharavAsadhamma]: 
1. truthfulness [sacca]; 2. training 
oneself [dama]; 3. patience 
[khanti], and; 4. selfsacrifice 
[cAga]. 
4. Supporting their religion: That 
Buddhists have the 
job of supporting their religion: 
Because man's 
highest refuge is the Triple Gem, it 
EFTA01161444

means that 
care should be taken to support the 
SaIgha or 
monastic community who 
perpetuate and 
spread Buddhism. If any monastic 
member is 
deprived of the support of 
householders — before 
long he will be unable to continue 
in his duties 
-- and in turn that is the end of the 
life of 
Buddhism — in other words it is 
the job of Buddhists 
to support their religion. 
5. The Malgala Sutta: Principles in 
EFTA01161445

keeping with 
(especially the first six) blessings 
of the MaIgala 
Sutta: 
1. not associating with fools: 
mother and father 
must teach children how to choose 
appropriate 
friends and spouse; 
2. associating with the wise: i.e. 
those who are 
adept in self-discipline [sEla], 
meditation 
[samAdhi] and wisdom [pafulA]; 
3. honouring those worthy of 
respect: especially 
the Buddha, monks who practice 
EFTA01161446

well, monarchs 
established in the Ten Virtues of a 
Monarch, 
parents and elder relatives and 
various 
teachers — even ones boss if he is 
honest. 
Having respect for such people 
means attempting 
to follow the good example set by 
such people. 
4. Living in an amenable location: 
an unpolluted 
environment with good prospects 
for work 
and education both in worldly and 
spiritual 
EFTA01161447

ways — and even government —
not somewhere 
dominated criminal underworld. 
5. Get down to the pursuit of the 
Perfections. 
Our work in the present time will 
bring its 
fruits in the future. In the same 
way the happiness 
we receive in the present must be 
the 
result of our pursuit of perfection 
in the past, 
the merits we accrue will bring 
fruits ensuring 
our intelligence, prosperity and 
progress 
EFTA01161448

in our duties in the future 
and 
happiness 
in life in accordance with the 
Buddhist proverb: 
The accrual of merit brings 
happiness 
(Dh.33) 
and 
Merit is the refuge of beings in the 
world 
to come (J.iv.62) 
Furthermore, the faith of those 
who are steadfast 
the accrual of merit will be a shield 
to protect 
them from the temptation of evil 
ways. 
EFTA01161449

6. Setting oneself up properly in 
life: especially 
having the correct aim in life. 
Anyone who has accumulated all 
the foregoing virtues 
will be sure to have developedthe 
ability to be 
a teacher to themselves — with the 
flexibility to 
adopt appropriate to any 
circumstances — and will 
be able to earn their living 
successfully 
life is 
happy and such a person has worth 
to society. 
Blessing Twelve: Raising our 
Children 161 
EFTA01161450

Apart from the virtues mentioned 
above, parents 
should be ultra-critical of table 
manners, sleeping 
habits (especially fixing bedtime) 
and working habits 
(especially working hours) 
because these are 
all fundemental ways of 
developing self-discipline. 
Without the parent's prodding, you 
can be certain 
that self-discipline will not develop 
by accident. A 
child should also be expected to 
make a contribution 
to the work of the household since 
EFTA01161451

they are 
small if theyare waited upon hand 
and foot and 
have too much time on their hands, 
in the end the 
child may be unable to help 
themselves. 
B.3.3 Giving your child an 
education 
Education is the gateway to 
knowledge and wisdom 
for your child. If a child has the 
chance for a 
full education. Then success will 
follow on in later 
life. Thus parents should instill in 
their children the 
EFTA01161452

love of education and reading by: 
1. choosing good books for your 
child: The same thing 
goes for books which the children 
should read. 
Of course the books most suitable 
for the child 
to read are the ones that children 
are too lazy to 
read. Children would usually like 
to read any 
sort of book of cartoons or book 
with no serious 
content instead. It is up to parents 
therefore, to 
find ways to make useful books 
interesting to 
EFTA01161453

their children, such as getting the 
children to read 
such books aloud to their parents. 
2. choosing good teachers for your 
child: means taking 
your child to study with monks or 
masters of 
secular subjects. Parents can also 
help their children 
by finding a good school for their 
children 
and special tuition. 
Children might also need their 
parent's help in 
learning how to split their time 
between study and 
play. In study time children should 
EFTA01161454

study hard: in 
freetime, playhard. The problem 
with childrens' 
education is that all parents would 
like their children 
to be top of the class. They want 
their children 
to be accepted into the best school. 
Whether the 
child lives up to these expectations 
does not depend 
on their parent's wishes however, 
but on two important 
factors the child's past merits 
(gifted and 
wise from birth) and his 
environment. The parents 
EFTA01161455