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whether the child can hear or not, 
but bear in mind 
that if the child is at ease when he 
hears the mother's 
voice, this influence will carry 
across to the time 
when the child is born. If the 
pregnant mother is at 
ease when she hears the word 
'SammA-arahaO', 
the baby, when it is born, will 
immediately be at 
ease whenever it hears the words 
`SammAarahaO'. 
The mother should be a teacher to 
the 
baby she is carrying: a teacher of 
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meditation. Just 
by creating, the mood of 
centredness and peace for 
the child, when he closes his eyes 
inside the mother's 
womb, he will see not darkness but 
a brightness 
inside himself — the brightness of 
the virtue 
of his own two parents. 
There are certain things which the 
pregnant 
mother should avoid too. Just as 
good experiences 
by the mother can have a good 
effect on the child, 
during pregnancy, if there is any 
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adverse influence 
on the mother's mind, the embryo 
will be adversely 
affected. If a child is born into the 
womb of a mother 
who often quarrels, the child which 
is born is likely 
to be morose and uncheerful by 
nature. 
Thus, if the mother finds stressful 
conditions at 
work, or has other traumatic 
experiences, the child 
will be highly strung. Better then, 
for the mother to 
take maternal leave from work 
during her pregnancy 
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Very negative thoughts by the 
mother, especially 
by those mothers who have 
contemplated 
abortion, are picked up by the 
child and may cause 
the child to have an instinctive 
distrust or fear of 
his mother throughout their life. 
Better then, that the mother 
meditate every day, 
perform chanting, give alms and 
listen to sermons. 
The child whose mother is positive 
thinking and 
cheerful during pregnancy, is 
likely to be cheerful 
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and positive thinking like her. 
Parents who make 
great self sacrifices, careful and 
wise in the support 
of their child during pregnancy, 
will gain a child 
who is an altruist, thorough and 
wise. The care 
taken by the mother during 
pregnancy will be transformed 
by the child into love and respect 
for his 
parents, a readiness to go on to the 
next stage of his 
development that will come after 
his delivery. 
Even the attitude of the father has 
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an influence 
on the well-being of the baby in 
the womb of his 
wife. The father will have to work 
harder when his 
wife is pregnant, helping her with 
the heavy work 
158 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
she would normally do herself and 
being careful 
not to create situations that are 
going to irritate or 
upset the serenity of the mother. 
Even if normally 
he might bring the tensions and 
stresses of his work 
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back home with him, now he must 
start to be more 
careful to leave his work in the 
office and not bring 
the chaos of his work home with 
him. 
B.3 From Birth to Adulthood 
There are five duties for the parent 
in bringing up 
their children from the time the 
child is born to the 
time he is old enough to look after 
himself 
(D.iii.180): 
1. Not allowing your child to do 
anything evil 
2. Teach your child to be 
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established in virtue 
3. See that your child is educated 
4. Arrange your child's marriage 
5. Pass on your legacy to your 
child 
For all five of these parental duties 
(especially establishing 
the child in virtue) it is absolutely 
necessary 
that the parents have the following 
four qualities: 
1. the ability to distinguish 
themselves between 
good and evil — i.e. they should 
be established 
in Right View. 
2. patience 
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3. ability to recognize the 
characteristics of False 
Friends and Good Friends 
4. self-discipline 
If potential parents lack these 
prerequisites, perhaps 
they should wait until they manage 
to develop them 
before considering to have 
children. 
B.3.1 Not allowing their child to 
succumb to wickedness 
Not allowing your child to 
succumb to wickedness 
means to prevent your child 
exhibiting any of the 
sixteen traits already mentioned in 
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the first blessing 
for "false friends". Whether a child 
grows up 
into a fool or a wise one depends 
on their teacher 
and their environment. The first 
and most immediate 
environment to the child are the 
parents themselves. 
So here are some practical tips for 
how to 
prevent you child from doing evil: 
1. Set a good example: Thus the 
first thing you must 
do to teach your child to do no evil 
is not to say 
or do anything evil in front of your 
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children. 
Hypocritical behaviour in front of 
your children 
will ruin their upbringing. Parents 
drink alcohol 
and smoke in front of their 
children and even 
send their children to buy liquor 
and cigarettes. 
They explain to the child "don't 
drink or smoke 
when you grow up — its bad for 
you!", but they 
think they themselves are too old 
to change and 
therefore don't even attempt to set 
an example. 
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Such a lesson is of no value to the 
child. Even 
parents who teach their children to 
lie will suffer 
in the end because the parent will 
become a 
victim of their own insincerity. 
2. Keep devices for evil-doing out 
of the house: You need 
to make sure the environment in 
the house is one 
which doesn't encourage evil, you 
should make 
sure that you don't allow 
equipment for doing 
evil into the house right from the 
time your first 
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child is born objects such liquor 
bottles, wine 
brewing kits, gambling tables or 
pornographic 
materials should be cleared out of 
the house and 
no further such things allowed to 
enter into the 
house any more. 
3. Help choose your child's 
friends: Parents need to 
have a close relationship with both 
their child 
and his friends. This is to make 
sure that your 
child is not associating with 
friends who are going 
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to influence him in a damaging 
way. Here 
are two suggestions which may be 
useful in this 
respect: 
1. Regular tea parties for a child 
and their friends: 
child and his friends to come to 
play once a 
week. It may be extra work to 
prepare cakes 
for all those friends but while the 
friends are 
tucking in to their tea, the parents 
will learn 
enough about the character of the 
friends from 
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the things they say to advise their 
child which 
friends to associate with. 
2. At least one communal family 
meal per day: There 
should be at least one meal a day 
when all the 
family come together — maybe 
the evening 
meal — to give the chance for the 
parents to 
notice any signs of guilt on a 
child's face. The 
first time the child does something 
wrong 
(such as lying, smoking or 
shoplifting), the 
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guilt will be very noticeable, the 
second and 
Blessing Twelve: Raising our 
Children 159 
subsequent times, less and less 
noticeable, 
until in the end there is no guilt. If 
the family 
are all together once day each day, 
then the 
parent can correct a child's 
behaviour while 
it is still fresh in the child's mind If 
your child 
plays with friends who are evil, 
then he will 
absorb those habits as his own 
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such as swearwords 
or unattractive slang. On a wider 
scale, 
bad friends may bring ruin to the 
family, as 
illustrated by the story of a 
chameleon playmate 
betraying an iguana tribe in the 
Godha 
JAtaka (see §C.4 below). 
4. Dare to discipline: For children 
who have done a 
lot of good deeds in the past, you 
will not have 
to give very many suggestions or 
spend too 
much time correcting their 
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behaviour. Some children 
seem to know instinctively what is 
right and 
what is wrong and always keep 
themselves on 
the straight and narrow. For some 
children, being 
told off a single time will be 
enough to keep 
them from doing something evil all 
their life. 
However, there are some children 
who, take no 
notice however many times they 
are warned. If 
after sufficient criticism and 
reasoning the child 
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is still stubborn or unresponsive or 
tries to see 
how far they can "try it on" with 
their parents' 
authority, they may need to be 
beaten. If they 
are not beaten they may be spoiled 
for the rest of 
their lives. Parents who need to 
punish their children 
must give serious consideration to 
what 
long term effects the punishment 
will have on 
the child. The long term aim in 
educating a child 
to avoid evil is to build up shame 
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of doing evil 
[hiri] and fear of the consequences 
of evil 
[ottappa]. Many cultures think that 
beating a 
child is a necessary part of a 
child's education 
(viz. the English proverb "Spare 
the rod and spoil 
the child" — see §C.2 TilamuEEhi 
JAtaka below), 
however, to beat a child, especially 
out of 
anger, teaches a child only to fear 
the parent or 
fear the stick, rather than fearing 
evil. Besides 
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