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ways in which 
children can handle the debt of 
gratitude they owe 
to their parents: 
1. that their children will look after 
them in their 
old age; 
2. that their children will 
perpetuate the good work 
for society they have already 
started; 
3. that their children will carry on 
the good name 
of the family; 
4. that their children will use the 
family wealth in 
a responsible way 
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5. when they pass away their 
children will perform 
funeral rites and continue to 
dedicate the 
positivity of good deeds for their 
parents . 
The extent to which a child 
manages to do all five 
of these things varies from person 
to person — but 
in general you can categorize 
children into three 
types: 
1. The child whose virtue exceeds 
that of his parents 
and who brings more prosperity to 
the family 
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as during the time of his parents 
[abhijAtaputta] 
2. The child whose virtue equals 
that of his parents 
and who brings the same degree of 
prosperity 
to the family as was brought 
during the 
time of his parents [anujAtaputta] 
3. The child whose virtue is less 
than that of his 
parents and who brings less 
prosperity to the 
family than during the time of his 
parent [avajAtaputta] 
D.2 Service 
Repaying to our parents' goodness 
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through service 
is divided into two parts: 
I. Service when they are still 
alive: When they are 
still alive help them in their daily 
chores. look 
after them when they are old, make 
sure that they 
are well fed, and care for them 
when they are 
not well. If they still have debts 
when they are in 
their old age then try to pay these 
debts off before 
they die. Serve them by making 
life more 
convenient (e.g. building an extra 
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toilet for aged 
parent) 
2. Service after their death: When 
they pass away 
host their funeral and habitually 
offer the 
positivity you generate as the 
result of your 
meditation for their benefit: (even 
if we transfer 
merit to them and they are unable 
to accept it 
we have still done our duty to the 
best of our 
ability like giving a car to someone 
who cannot 
use it or cannot use it immediately) 
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D.2.1 While parents alive 
D.2.1.1 Honour 
In order to show your respect for 
the pure intention 
which our parents have always 
shown us it is 
fitting to offer clothing, housing or 
medicine. Sometimes 
we might give a gift to our parents, 
not out of 
necessity, but in order to honour 
our parents. Sometimes 
out of their goodwill for us aged 
parents or 
old people will seem to be very 
fussy or critical because 
they have a lot of life experience 
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(more than 
us). Sometimes they are really too 
fussy, but you 
need to be able to tolerate what 
they are saying and 
think that they still have that 
goodwill for you. If 
we are patient, we can learn a lot 
from their experiences. 
Also there may be some things we 
should 
keep to ourselves instead of 
burdening old parents. 
Old people are weak and cannot do 
much for themselves. 
Only their mouth is in good 
working order 
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- so be patient when old people 
talk a lot. 
D.2.1.2 Protection 
Protect your parents from things 
that you know 
annoy them or tire them. If you can 
alleviate stressful 
duties which might fall upon your 
parents, you 
can help them to enjoy the last 
years of their life 
more and preserve their dignity. 
D.2.1.3 Spiritual Ways of 
Repayment 
All the above we are not enough to 
repay our debt 
of gratitude in all the ways above 
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spiritual teachings: Some 
old parents are unable to go to a 
place where they 
can hear spiritual teachings for 
themselves but 
you can help the situation by 
reading them spiritual 
books to them or record a cassette 
of teaching 
for them to hear 
4. teach them how to meditate 
5. ordaining to pay debt of 
gratitude: In Thai culture 
especially, there is a tradition for 
sons to ordain 
temporarily at the age of twenty in 
order that 
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the parents may gain merit from 
organizing their 
ordination. It is said that the 
sponsor of an ordination 
ceremony will gain half of the 
merit of 
the ordinand himself, therefore, as 
a dutiful son, 
finding the opportunity to ordain in 
order to repay 
one's debt of gratitude to one's 
parents, is 
an important part of cultivating the 
eleventh 
blessing. 
D.2.2 When parents have already 
passed away 
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Even if your parents have already 
passed away, 
your duty as a grateful son or 
daughter is not finished. 
Apart from taking responsibility 
for organizing 
a fitting funeral, Buddhist sons and 
daughters 
will do meritorious deeds regularly 
and transfer 
the merit from the deeds for the 
benefit of their 
deceased parents. 
E. ANNOUNCING THE 
GOODNESS OF OUR 
PARENTS 
Some people mistakenly think that 
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a large family 
is interchangeable with a family of 
good repute. 
Thus they have many, many 
children thinking that 
in this way they will bring 
happiness to their own 
parents. However, whether one has 
an heir or not 
is not something that will make 
your parents or anyone 
else in the world laugh or cry. 
What is better —
to have a hundred sons and 
daughters who do nothing 
to better the family reputation, or 
to work yourself 
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bringing fame and fortune to the 
family yourself 
by the good and beneficial things 
you do for 
the rest of society — a person who 
is so good that 
their love is not limited to just a 
few sons and 
daughters but to the whole of the 
world (a parent 
to the whole of the world). 
Whether you have an 
heir or will not make the earth will 
not laugh or 
cry. Thus if you want to announce 
to the world the 
goodness of your parents, you 
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don't need to shout 
about it. The goodness of your 
parents will shine 
through your own behaviour, 
manners, the way you 
speak without you even having to 
mention your 
parents. We represent our parents 
and the way they 
have brought us up. We are their 
flesh and blood. 
Our mannerisms also come from 
our upbringing. 
That is why our behaviour is the 
most vivid way of 
announcing their goodness. It is 
not in their biography 
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that we hand out at their funeral, 
but rather 
by our own behaviour which 
matters. Everyone 
loves their parents. Having this 
love one should announce 
their goodness through our good 
behaviour 
starting while they are still alive. 
In doing so, 
we will make them very happy. 
This is more important 
than writing their goodness in their 
biography 
which is of minute importance. It 
doesn't 
matter whether we intentionally 
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want to announce 
our parents, goodness through our 
behaviour or 
not. Our actions speakfor 
themselves. It is up to us 
to create a good name for them 
through our behaviour. 
In doing so we make ourselves 
worthy to receive 
our parents' legacy. 
F. RECIPROCAL 
RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN 
PARENT & CHILD 
From the SiIgalovAda Sutta we 
learn that a child 
has duties towards his parents and 
parents have 
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duties towards their children (see 
detail Blessing 
Twelve §B.3). In the ideal world, 
both the parents 
and the children will fulfil their 
side of the bargain 
and in doing so, no danger will 
grow up in the relationship 
or for society at large — there will 
be happiness 
and prosperity both for parent, 
child and society 
at large. 
If the child fulfils their duty 
according to Blessing 
Eleven but the parent doesn't fulfil 
their duty 
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according to Blessing Twelve, 
harm will come to 
the parents and eventually to the 
child and society 
as well. There are some 
exceptional cases where a 
child has been so mistreated at the 
hands of his own 
parents that he or she finds it near 
impossible to 
imagine anything good about their 
parents. In such 
a case, we must remind ourselves 
that even if our 
parents abandon us at birth, we 
still have a huge 
148 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
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towards Enlightened Living 
debt of gratitude to them for giving 
us our physical 
form as a human. In a case where 
one has been 
beaten or abused by one's parents, 
it is important 
to make a separation between the 
good things they 
have done to you and the bad. We 
must repay our 
debt of gratitude for the good 
things and do our 
best to forgive the bad things, 
without mixing them 
up or thinking that one cancels out 
the other. Sometimes 
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