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cigarettes) during the 
pregnancy, wearing loose clothes 
and having to 
leave strenuous work to others. 
Not only physically must the 
mother protect the 
child in her womb, but even the 
serenity of state of 
mind of the child in the womb 
must be protected 
by avoiding quarrels, conflict and 
anxiety. 
C.3.3 From Birth to adulthood 
A second word used for parents is 
`father' or 
`mother' which means `the one 
who brings up their 
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offspring'. Thus there are three 
types of parents —
the ones we have already 
mentioned who bring 
forth children but don't bring them 
up, those who 
are step-parents who bring up the 
children of others 
and lastly, those who both give rise 
to children 
and bring them up too. Most of us 
find it is easier 
to comprehend their debt of 
gratitude to their parents 
for the care they have received 
from the time 
they are born to the time they are 
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old enough to 
take care of themselves. What do 
you think is the 
time of your life when you are the 
most vulnerable 
and you can do nothing to help 
yourself? It is not 
when you have no money as a 
student. It is not 
during a war or when you are ill. 
None of these can 
compare to the risk which you 
underwent on the 
day you were born. Normally in 
the face of danger 
we would use the powers we have 
(physical 
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strength, connections, wealth or 
wisdom) to overcome 
the danger — you are able to help 
yourself. 
However, on the day you were 
born, if your parents 
didn't decide to take you as their 
child to bring 
them up do you think you could 
survive? Could 
you put up a struggle when you 
don't even have 
the strength to open your eyes? 
Would you have 
had connections enough to get you 
out of trouble 
when even your own parents 
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hadn't wanted you? 
Would you have had any wealth to 
buy yourself 
out of the situation at a time when 
you didn't even 
have a scrap of cloth to wear? 
Would you have had 
the wisdom to work out solutions 
to your problems? 
The reality of the situation is that 
we could 
only survive because our parents 
were kind enough 
to accept us. 
Normally if someone is to adopt a 
child they 
would have to take a long, long 
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time to make that 
decision. If you were going to lend 
some money to 
someone, you have to have your 
conditions and 
your contracts — but for us there 
was only unconditional 
acceptance. Thus even that 
moment of acceptance 
at the most vulnerable time of our 
life is 
more than we can easily reimburse. 
Even when the child is in the 
womb, even though 
they don't know how the child 
would turn out, they 
would lay down their life to protect 
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the child in their 
womb. 
C.3.4 Physical Care 
If you compare man with the 
animals, there is no 
comparable animal which takes so 
long or expends 
so much effort in the care of its 
young. Usually the 
larger the animal, the longer it 
must stay in the 
womb (gestation period) and the 
longer it must rely 
on the care of its parents after its 
birth. Even an elephant 
with its huge size and a gestation 
period of 
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three years will only look after a 
baby elephant for 
two years. Man although much 
smaller in size than 
any elephant often looks after his 
children for 
twenty years. They have done the 
job of protecting 
us like a guardian angel ever since 
we were born. 
Even after that we expect our 
parents to organize 
our marriages and pass their legacy 
on to us. 
Parents provide food, shelter, 
clothing, education 
and medical care for their children, 
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supporting us 
in every way. Parents often have to 
put themselves 
at risk or in debt in order to look 
after their children. 
If you find a woman catching fish 
or shoplifting, 
99 times out of 100 she is doing it 
only to feed 
her child — if it was for herself 
she would never 
take such a risk. 
C.3.5 Spiritual Care 
Keeping us healthy and educated 
was not the only 
responsibility which our parents 
had to shoulder. 
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Even our own basis of moral 
understanding had to 
come from our parents. If our 
parents had relied 
Blessing Eleven: Cherishing our 
Parents 145 
always on the saying "do what I 
say not what I do", 
by now we would surely have 
grown up into hypocrites. 
Our parents were an example for 
us to follow 
as well as scolding and punishing 
us for doing 
unacceptable things, keeping an 
eye on our friends 
and choosing only the best books 
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for us to read. 
Who taught us to speak and walk? 
Who taught us 
all the basic virtues of life and had 
the patience to 
remind us when we were lazy or 
forgetful? Parents 
are a child's first teacher because 
they are the first 
to teach a child his manners and 
how to behave. 
Even when we are grown up and 
supposedly responsible 
and independent, the generosity 
and care 
of our parents doesn't come to an 
end but we find 
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that they are always there to help 
when we have 
important questions like that of 
marriage and the 
last thing our parents do for us 
before they die is to 
pass on their accumulated wealth 
for us. 
These are just a very brief 
summary of some of 
the ways in which we have been 
helped by our 
parents. Even the most tough and 
insensitive man 
or woman, when they become 
parents manages to 
find in the deepest part of their 
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hearts the most tender 
and unlimited love for their own 
children and 
because of the purity of parental 
intention which 
fathers and mothers manage to 
find, ther people of 
old used to say you don't need to 
go any further 
than your own house in order to 
find an object of 
worship. 
C.4 Practical recollections to 
appreciate your 
debt of gratitude
According to the SilgalovAda 
Sutta (D.iii.180), the 
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practicality of realizing one's debt 
of gratitude to 
one's parents can be effected by 
habitually reflecting: 
1. "I have been supported by my 
parents - I will 
support them in turn" (such a 
recollection helps 
the cultivation of Right View) 
2. "I will do their work for them" 
(such a recollection 
helps the cultivation of patience, 
responsibility, 
knowledge and ability) 
3. "I will keep up the honour and 
traditions of the 
family" 
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4. "I will make myself worthy of 
the family legacy" 
(such a recollection helps one to 
extricate oneself 
from the Six Roads to Ruin) 
5. "I will make offerings, 
dedicating merit to them 
after their death" (such a 
recollection helps the 
cultivation of Right View and 
responsibility) 
Such recollections will not come 
naturally to any 
child who has not been raised with 
self-discipline, 
responsibility and Right View. 
Thus the gratitude a 
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child has is part of a reciprocal 
relationship a parent 
has with their children — a subject 
explored in 
more depth in Blessing Twelve 
(0.3). 
D. REPAYING THE DEBT OF 
GRATITUDE TO 
OUR PARENTS 
D.1 Expectations of Parents 
Poor parents would rather put 
themselves in debt 
than to see their own children 
suffer. Considering 
seemingly little things like 
carefully and rationally 
will allow us to see through to the 
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magnitude of 
the debt of gratitude we own our 
parents. Realizing 
how good one's parents are is a 
simple but necessary 
precursor to the repayment of 
gratitude to 
our parents — because it is not 
immediately obvious 
or easy to understand for every 
person. 
There was once a man who, 
together with his 
brothers and sisters, had been 
looking after their 
mother throughout a constant 
period of two years 
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nursing her and paying for her 
kidney transfusions 
at a cost of 20,000 per month. 
Such a cost was certainly 
quite difficult for all the brothers 
and sisters 
to bear, but if they could not pay 
then surely their 
mother would die. Because the 
mother was also 
suffering from mental-disease, as 
soon as she was 
stronger after the transfusion, she 
would complain 
continuously disturbing the sons 
and daughters 
looking after her in the middle of 
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the night. Looking 
after the mother was an ordeal for 
everyone 
concerned and at the end of two 
years, the thought 
occurred to all the brothers and 
sisters that two 
years was enough. They thought 
that all their efforts 
were surely enough to repay their 
debt of gratitude 
to their mother. In actual fact, if 
their mother 
had thought the same thing of her 
sick sons and 
daughters early on in life then 
surely none of them 
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would have survived to the present 
day. Their 
mother would have used the last of 
her earnings to 
146 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
see her children well again and 
even have gone into 
debt rather than seeing her children 
suffer. 
All parents have only five 
expectations of their 
children (in keeping with the five 
recollections of 
the SilgalovAda Sutta mentioned 
in the previous 
paragraph) — all of which point to 
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