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from gaining personal 
virtue, you will also set a good 
example for 
your own children — and they in 
turn will want to 
take care of you when you become 
feeble in your 
old age. 
B.4 Richness of heart helps 
meditation progress 
Many people meditate for many 
years without being 
able to make any progress 
sometimes their 
mind has a continuous feeling of 
"dryness". However, 
if upon learning about the debt of 
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gratitude 
they have to their parents, they 
take steps to repay 
it, it often creates a "richness" of 
mind which allows 
them to progress again in their 
meditation. 
C. APPRECIATING OUR 
DEBT OF GRATITUDE 
C.1 Why must we have gratitude 
in our lives? 
We didn't get where we are today 
entirely by our 
own efforts. We are the result of 
considerable investment 
of food, care, protection, training 
and 
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teaching by others. All these 
resources have come 
to us through the pure intentions of 
others in society—
intentions without which our 
civilization 
would soon collapse. It is not that 
people have 
helped us because they want 
something from us in 
return, but if we, who have been 
on the receiving 
end of such altruism, are able to 
appreciate, return 
or praise the favours they have 
done us, it will help 
to create an atmosphere of "give 
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and take" in society 
instead of deterioration into "every 
man to 
himself'.The appreciation of good 
deeds is very 
important to Buddhist culture and 
cherishing our 
parents is our first and most 
fundamental opportunity 
to express gratitude. 
C.2 Theories of non gratitude to 
parents 
Where sons and daughters neglect 
their parents, often 
it is not intentional, but because of 
having received 
influence from some of the 
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theories rife in our society, 
none of which are entirely true: 
I. Selfish Genes: Some people 
think that the only reason 
that parents are kind to their 
children is that 
they want to see their character and 
genes passed 
down to the next generation. This 
theory has even 
led to a genetic theory called `The 
Selfish Gene' 
(Dawkins) by which it is proposed 
that man is nothing 
more than a mechanism by which 
genes replicate 
themselves! In such a case, parents 
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don't show 
kindness to their children out of 
compassion but 
out of the selfish desire to 
propagate their own 
genes. If such a theory were really 
true, if you were 
walking down the street with four 
brothers who 
were all identical twins with at 
least half of the same 
genes as you have then you would 
rather that yourself 
were eaten by a monster in order to 
protect the 
greater part of your genes 
depending on the safety 
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of your three brothers. Such 
theories have their limitations 
because they cannot explain why 
such traits 
as homosexuality which hamper 
the replication of 
genes might grow and spread in 
the population. 
The practical outcome of this 
theory is that instead 
of thinking to repay their parents 
for all the good 
things they have received, they 
think that they are 
bringing their parents fulfilment by 
bringing up 
grandchildren for their parents! 
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This is logic equivalent 
to borrowing money from a bank 
to open a 
new business and paying back the 
loan to your 
customers! Instead of thinking how 
best to look 
after their poor parents, most 
children spend their 
time thinking how best to get 
themselves a boyfriend 
or girlfriend to look after for the 
rest of their 
lives instead. 
2. Hereditary Sin: Some 
philosophies of life such as 
those advocated by the Unification 
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Church 
(Moonism) go further to suggest 
that all the bad 
things in our life are passed down 
to us by our 
parents and therefore only be 
abandoning your 
parents and marrying into their 
religion can you 
escape from sin. Such thinking has 
led to many 
broken families and accusations of 
kidnapping and 
brainwashing. 
Blessing Eleven: Cherishing our 
Parents 143 
3. Patricide Cults: Some 
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philosophies of life such 
as those found in some African 
tribes are even 
more destructive for the family. 
Only a boy who 
is brave enough to kill his own 
father is eligable 
to become the chief of the tribe 
because it is taken 
that only such a person is cruel and 
brave enough 
to lead a tribe. 
Although our thoughts about our 
parents might 
not be so serious as some of the 
theories described 
above sometimes we find it hard to 
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really comprehend 
how much our parents have done 
for us. 
Superficially we think that the 
good our parents 
have done for us is easy to 
describe but in fact 
we don't usually don't look very 
deep. Many 
people are confused as to how the 
debt of gratitude 
to our parents could possibly be as 
large. 
Just thinking of how they have 
brought us up and 
how they have fed and schooled us 
surely could 
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not add up to such a large debt. 
However we 
should try our best to look for that 
goodness, because 
if you can't see the good in other 
people 
who have done so much for you, 
don't expect to 
be able to see any of the good or 
positive things 
that arise in yourself as a result of 
your meditation. 
C.3 How a Child is indebted to his 
parents 
Of all the people in the world there 
is no-one 
closer to us than our own mother 
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and father. Why 
should we choose our parents as 
subject to our 
own good deeds before thinking of 
others? Our 
parents are those to whom wehave 
one of the 
largest debts of gratitude. We can 
choose whether 
or not we have a spouse or 
children, but all of us 
have parents of whom we must 
take care. All 
through our childhood we have 
been in debt to 
them and even when adult that 
debt is no less 
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than it was when we were young. 
But how many 
children go to school thinking to 
study their hardest, 
do their best to pick up skills so 
that they can 
get a job to pay their parents back 
for their kindness 
as soon as they complete their 
education? 
As soon as they get their first job 
how many think 
of using thier first wage to buy a 
present as a token 
of gratitude for thier parents and 
how many 
buy lipstick instead? 
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C.3.1 Before conception 
If we look at the root meaning of 
the word `parent' 
it means `one who brings forth 
their offspring'. Thus 
our parents are responsible for 
having given us the 
gift of life. Some parents are a 
mother or a father to 
their children. Even if they wait 
until their child is 
born and then abandon it — i.e 
they give rise to 
children but don't bring them up 
— they have still 
given the child the most valuable 
thing it has — its 
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own life. Parents serve as physical 
mold. A mold 
increases a material's value (see 
Blessing Nine §E.2). 
In a similar sense, the birth of all 
animals in the 
world depends on the parents as 
their physical 
mold. 
We are overwhelmingly indebted 
to our parents 
for their genes that give us our 
healthy physical 
shape. If our parents were those 
who didn't take 
good care of their own health then 
we might have 
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been born handicapped physically. 
But as many of 
us are in good health, today, with 
strong physical 
bodies, if we were to have no 
gratitude to our parents 
for the things they have given us, it 
would 
show that we are blind to the good 
things that people 
do for us. Even if our parents had 
abandoned 
us at birth and did nothing else to 
bring us up, we 
should already be overwhelmed 
with the gift of life 
that they have given us. 
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Thus don't go thinking that to be 
born human is 
an automatic entitlement. Even in 
your own house, 
the number of people living in the 
house is still 
small compared to the number of 
worms, mosquitos, 
ants, geckos, birds etc. There are 
maybe a hundred 
or a thousand more non-human 
living beings 
even in our own house than there 
are humans for 
whom the house was actually built. 
This tells us 
that to be born human is a difficult 
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thing but to be 
born as an animal is easy. And if 
you were to be 
born as an animal — what use do 
you think you 
would be to the world? 
C.3.2 From conception to birth 
For the period we spent in the 
womb, we must 
mostly thank our mother but also 
our father who 
may have taken extra care of 
mother during pregnancy. 
Throughout the forty weeks of 
pregnancy, 
the mother needed to take regular 
medical check/44 
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A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
ups. Even though she may not 
have liked to eat 
certain sorts of nutricious diet 
suitable for her baby's 
health, she had to eat those things, 
nonetheless. 
Even though she might have 
wanted to eat 
certain sorts of food but knowing 
that these things 
may have been damaging to her 
baby, she had to 
go without them (e.g. avoiding the 
temptation of 
spicy (etc.) foods, drink and 
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