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a dutiful son or daughter knows 
that giving 
their parents money will only fuel 
them into doing 
irresponsible things (like 
gambling) — in such cases, 
they should still be supported, but 
the support 
should be in the form of food or 
clothing that they 
cannot change into money. Such 
parents should be 
treated like a patient who is ill and 
sometimes can 
not be given what they crave for 
— but our parents 
should never be insulted by us 
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because of their 
weaknesses. 
If the parents fulfil their duty 
according to Blessing 
Twelve, but the child does not 
fulfil their duty 
according to Blessing Eleven, 
harm will come to the 
child and eventually to the parents 
and society as 
well. 
If the child doesn't do their duty 
according to 
Blessing Eleven and the parents 
don't fulfil their 
duty according to Blessing 
Twelve, immediate harm 
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from suffering in every respect. 
2. compassion [karunA]: the 
parents make every 
effort to diminish the suffering of 
their children, 
never neglecting their child 
3. sympathetic joy [muditA]: 
whenever the child 
experiences success or happiness, 
the parents are 
sincerely happy on their child's 
part 
4. equanimity [upekkhA]: when 
the child has their 
own family and is able to look 
after its own affairs, 
the parents no longer interfere. If 
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the children 
make mistakes, the parents refrain 
from 
saying "I told you so", but give 
their opinion 
when asked for it. 
G.2 Metaphor: Parents as one's 
first Guardian 
Angel 
The parents are the first people 
known to the child 
to offer their protection to the child 
in every way 
G.3 Metaphor: Parents as First 
Teacher 
The parents are the first people 
known to the child 
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to teach and train the child, 
whether it be how to 
walk or talk or how to cultivate 
good manners. 
G.4 Metaphor: Parents as 
Arahant 
The parents are as the child's 
arahant because they 
have four qualities: 
1. They bring the child great 
benefit: The parents fulfil 
the challenging duty of caring for 
the child in 
every way — something it would 
be hard to find 
anyone else to do in their place. 
2. They command respect but are 
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endearing: protecting 
the child from all dangers, they 
also manage 
to bring gentle warmth to the 
child's life. 
3. They are the child's field of 
merit: They have completely 
pure intentions towards their 
children, 
making them a worthy object for 
the child's 
merit-making 
4. They are worthy of being bowed 
to: a child should 
express his respect for his parents 
by bowing or 
saluting them. 
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G.5 Metaphor: Gold plate v.s 
Solid Gold 
Just as you can tell the difference 
between a goldplated 
object and one that is solid gold by 
passing 
it through a flame, you can tell 
whether someone is 
truly virtuous by whether or not he 
cherishes his 
parents. 
G.6 Proverb: Carrying one's 
parents on one's 
shoulders for 100 years 
The Buddha taught that even if we 
were to carry 
our parents, one on each shoulder, 
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for one hundred 
years, spoon-feeding them and 
allowing them to 
urinate and defecate on us, it 
would still be insufficient 
fully to repay our debt of gratitude 
to our parents. 
Blessing Eleven: Cherishing our 
Parents 149 
G. 7 Proverb: A skyful of parental 
praise 
If we were to use Mount Sumeru 
as our pen and all 
the water of the ocean as our ink, 
even if we were 
to write the virtues of our parents 
in the sky until 
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there were no place left to write, 
the mountain were 
worn down and the seawater dry, 
we would still 
not have reached an end of our 
parents virtues. 
G.8 Ex. The monk who went on 
almsround for 
his parents(MAtuposaka Sutta 
S.i.181) 
Normally when a monk has 
gathered food on his 
almsround, he must take his meal 
from that food 
first before passing the remainder 
on to any lay 
supporters. In the time of the 
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Buddha there was a 
monk whose parents were so poor 
they had nothing 
to eat. The monk went on 
almsround and gave 
the parents first choice of the food 
he managed to 
gather. Later, he was criticized by 
other monks who 
reported his behaviour to the 
Buddha. The Buddha 
said that what the monk had done 
was correct 
and that in the case a monk's 
parents needed food 
from his almsround, they may be 
served first and 
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the monk himself take the 
remainder — an exception 
to the rule in keeping with the debt 
of gratitude 
even a monk should repay to his 
parents. 
G.9 Ex. KaccAni JAtaka (J.417) 
After his father's death, a young 
man devoted himself 
entirely to his mother, until the 
latter, much 
against his will, brought him a 
wife. The wife plotted 
to estrange mother and son, and 
the old woman 
eventually had to leave the house. 
Having given 
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birth to a son, the wife, went about 
saying that if 
the mother-in-law had been with 
her, such a blessing 
would have been impossible. 
When the old 
woman heard of this, she felt that 
such words 
showed that Dhamma must be 
dead. The woman 
went to a ceremony and started to 
perform a rite in 
the memory of the dead 
`Dhamma'. Sakka's throne 
became heated and hearing her 
story used his powers 
to reconcile the old woman with 
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her son and 
daughter-in-law. 
The story was related to a young 
man of SAvatthE 
who looked after his aged mother 
until his wife 
came. The wife helped to look 
after her mother-inlaw 
at first, but later grew jealous of 
her husband's 
love for his mother and contrived 
to make the son 
angry with his mother. Finally she 
asked the man 
to choose between herself and his 
mother. The 
young man, without hesitation 
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stood up for his 
mother and the wife, realizing her 
folly, mended 
her ways. 
J.iii.422ff. 
G.10 Ex. The Begging Bowl 
(traditional) 
Once upon a time, there was a 
family where the 
mother and father were already 
old. The only son 
loved his father and mother and 
took good care of 
them running errands and helping 
in the house 
throughout his childhood. Then the 
son came of age 
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got married and had his own 
children. Unfortunately, 
as soon as he got married he found 
that his 
wife's love for his old parents was 
far less than his 
own. His wife chided him,"Don't 
you love your 
own children? Looking after your 
parents wastes 
time that could be better spent 
earning a good wage 
— let your parents look after 
themselves."At first 
he took no notice of his wife, but 
since his wife 
would complain and insist on this 
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matter every day, 
eventually he forgot his debt of 
gratitude to his 
parents. He purchased a pair of 
clay bowls for his 
parents and instructed them, 
"Mother and father, 
from now on you must beg for a 
living," and went 
about earning his own living as 
best he could. The 
son's own children grew up to the 
age of five or 
six. 
One day their father came home 
from work to 
find his children decorating a 
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coconut shell with 
the finest of ornaments. He asked, 
"What do you 
think you're doing with that 
coconut shell?" The 
children said said, "We're getting a 
begging bowl 
ready for you 
to help you when 
you get too old 
to work!" Seeing his own children 
with the coconut 
shell, the father realized his own 
ingratitude 
and from that day forth invited his 
old parents to 
stay in his own home and looked 
after them in the 
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best of comfort until the end of 
their days. This illustrates 
how powerful the parent's 
influence on 
his child and shows that the child's 
standard of 
good deeds comes directly from 
his parent's example. 
The Lord Buddha taught that the 
debt of gratitude 
we owe to our parents is so great 
that it would 
150 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
be hard to repay that debt of 
gratitude within a single 
life-time. Thus it is one of the 
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duties outlined 
inthe SilgalovAda Sutta and the 
Malgala Sutta to 
cherish our own parents especially 
in old age. By 
doing this we not only repay our 
endebtedness to 
our parents for giving us life 
but we strengthen 
the structure of society to make it 
free from alienation 
especially for the senior citizens in 
society some 
of whom receive more comfort 
from their pet cats 
and dogs these days, than they do 
from their own 
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