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should seek him out 
for association and familiarize 
yourself with his virtues. 
You can only gain from such 
association. As 
for your own parents, given that 
we are their children, 
we ought to do our best to 
associate with 
them. Sometimes we encounter 
difficulties however. 
Sometimes our parents have the 
character of 
fools. If this should be the case 
then we have the 
duty to live in the same household, 
but with the 
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utmost care not to let those foolish 
habits rub off 
on ourselves. If your parents drink 
alcohol, don't 
go prohibiting them from such 
behaviour. It is not 
your place to do so. However, at 
the same time you 
shouldn't go joining them in their 
drinking. If your 
mother loves playing poker, it's no 
good telling her 
to give up. Let her carry on with 
her gambling —
but don't go joining in with her. 
Even though we 
know these are the habits of a fool, 
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they are our 
own mother and father. We can't 
just ditch them. 
We must carry on living in the 
same household 
while taking care not to be infected 
by their foolish 
habits. 
The wise also extend to our friends 
and relatives 
who are a good example to us by 
their behaviour. 
Even if they might not be right all 
the time, or they 
may not be as wise as an arahant, 
to associate with 
them is still to our benefit. 
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In the case of associating with the 
wise who are 
not yet perfect, the Buddha taught 
that we should 
48 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
concentrate on observing only their 
good points and 
mimic only these good behaviours. 
If that person 
has his faults, don't waste your 
time criticising them 
for these, because for as long as 
one hasn't come to 
an end of all defilements, faults 
and weaknesses 
will always remain. Don't go 
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looking for peoples' 
faults. Look for their strengths and 
make the effort 
to instil these strengths in ourself. 
In the end we 
will be like an ocean full of all 
types of virtue. Don't 
go letting someone's minor fault 
blind you to all 
their virtues. If you are only 
interested in peoples' 
faults, by the time you have picked 
out everyone's 
weaknesses, there will be only one 
good person left 
in the world — yourself. 
Thus the wise in the outside world 
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are of two 
types: the permanently wise who 
have rid themselves 
of all defilements and the 
sporadically wise 
who still have defilements 
remaining. Both types 
of wise ones are beneficial to 
associate with. 
You may have noticed that 
sometimes when we 
think of doing something evil there 
will be a little 
voice inside that warns us not to do 
it. Have you 
wondered where that little voice 
inside comes from? 
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Usually we cannot see whose 
voice it is, but if we 
meditate until our mind is much 
clearer, we will be 
able to see the wise one inside who 
is the owner of 
the voice. Information, whether it 
be in the form of 
knowledge as a voice or the 
content of a dream or 
sixth sense, is transferred down the 
line from deep 
inside ourselves, like a baton 
between the runners 
of a relay race. 
G. THE PRACTICALITY OF 
CULTIVATING 
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ASSOCIATION WITH THE 
WISE 
It is for this reason that we must do 
two things—
try to find the wise in the outside 
world and find 
the best ways to associate with 
them. If we know 
that anyone is a good example then 
we should make 
sure we get to know that person. 
That way the good 
character that makes that person a 
wise one will 
begin to brush of on us as well. 
Secondly, once we 
have seen the nature of those who 
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are a good example 
to follow, we should start to 
cultivate an inner 
self which has the same good 
qualities so that 
the self which is wise will manifest 
itself inside 
ourselves. If we already have an 
inner self that is 
wise, even if we don't meet any 
more wise people 
ever again, it will not matter to us, 
because we have 
our inner source of wisdom from 
which we can 
draw the knowledge of our inner 
teacher. 
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H. ILLUSTRATIVE 
MATERIALS 
H.1 Metaphor: Leaves wrapping a 
perfumed 
fish 
A parable used by the Lord 
Buddha is that of the 
leaves wrapping a perfumed fish 
taking on the same 
perfume as the fish itself 
H.2 Red-Bearded Executioner 
saved by 
Association with the Wise 
(DhA.11.203) 
TambadAEhika who was a former 
thief had served 
the king as the public executioner 
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for fifty-five 
years; and had just retired from 
that post. One day, 
he went to the river for a bath, 
intending to take 
some specially prepared food on 
his return home. 
As he was about to take the food, 
Venerable 
SAriputta, who had just arisen 
from sustained absorption 
in concentration [jhAna 
samApatti], stood 
at his door for almsfood. Seeing 
the monk, 
TambadAEhika thought to himself, 
"Throughout 
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my life, I have been executing 
thieves; now I should 
offer this food to the monk." So, 
he invited 
SAriputta to come in and 
respectfully offered the 
food. 
After the meal, SAriputta taught 
him the 
Dhamma, but TambadAEhika 
could not pay attention, 
because he was extremely 
disturbed as he recollected 
his past career as an executioner. 
This mental 
disturbance did not allow him to 
concentrate 
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properly. SAriputta knew this, and 
in order to put 
him in a proper frame of mind, he 
asked 
TambadAEhika tactfully whether 
he killed the 
thieves because he wished to kill 
them out of anger 
or hate, or simply because he was 
ordered to do so. 
TambadAEhika answered that he 
was ordered to 
kill them by the king and that he 
had no ill will or 
wish to kill. `If that is the case,' 
SAriputta asked, 
`What wrong did you do?' Thus 
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re-assured, his 
mind became calmer and he 
requested SAriputta 
to continue his sermon. As he 
listened to the 
Blessing Two: Associating with the 
Wise 49 
Dhamma attentively, his mind 
became tranquil 
and he developed the virtues of 
patience and understanding. 
After the discourse, 
TambadAEhika 
accompanied SAriputta for some 
distance and 
then returned home. On his way 
home he died due 
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to an accident. 
When the Buddha came to the 
congregation of 
the bhikkhus in the evening, they 
informed him 
about the death of TambadAEhika. 
When asked 
where TambadAEhika was reborn, 
the Buddha 
told them that although 
TambadAEhika had committed 
evil deeds throughout his life, 
because he 
comprehended the Dhamma, he 
was reborn in the 
Tusita deva world. The bhikkhus 
wondered how 
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such an evil-doer could have such 
great benefit 
after listening to the Dhamma just 
once. To them 
the Buddha said that the length of 
a discourse is 
of no consequence, for one single 
sentence of the 
Dhamma, correctly understood can 
produce much 
benefit. 
50 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
Blessing Three: Expressing 
Respect to Those Worthy of 
Respect 51 
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A. INTRODUCTION 
A.1 People Differentiated by their 
discretion 
As seen in the previous blessings, 
the brightness of 
a person's future relies on his 
ability to judge the 
difference between good and evil. 
If his judgement 
is faulty, there is no way he can 
make a success out 
of his life. Even though people 
may look superficially 
similar, their standards of 
judgement can be 
so different. As human beings we 
are born equal — 
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we all have a pair of hands and ten 
fingers — but 
some people use their hands to 
perform works that 
are useful to society while others 
think that their 
hands will become more famous as 
fists and go 
around punching up the neighbours 
for a living. In 
this Blessing we look at the third 
of three major influences 
on our development of sound 
discretion 
— having the right sort of "role 
model" in our 
hearts. This blessing doesn't imply 
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that we model 
ourselves on anyone or anything at 
all —but if we 
want to develop sound discretion 
we need to model 
ourselves (recognize and pay 
respect to) only those 
worthy of our respect. 
A.2 Effect of one's "hero" on 
one's discretion 
Hearing such terms as "paying 
respect", "expressing 
respect" or "people worthy of 
respect", the 
casual reader might come to the 
premature conclusion 
that this blessing is irrelevant to 
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our day and 
age. However, if we rephrase what 
we mean in 
modern terms, asking "Who is the 
hero of your 
heart — which celebrity do you 
model yourself on 
or dream of emulating?", the 
pertinence of this 
blessing will become much more 
immediate. 
When we are children and the 
horizons of our 
experience do not extend beyond 
the walls of our 
house, maybe our own parents 
represent all that 
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