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we want to achieve in our lives. 
We try to play at 
being "grown-up" like our parents, 
imitating them 
in our play. If we are exposed to a 
good parental 
example, our idea of what we 
perceive as normal 
or ethical will develop quite 
accurately from an 
early age. However, if, for 
example, parents lie to 
their children often or beat them 
out of anger, then 
that comes to be what the child 
perceives to be the 
standard of "justice" in life. 
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During one's teen years, when 
one's horizons 
extend beyond the home, the 
influence of constructive 
or destructive role models becomes 
stronger 
and stronger. These role models 
are over and above 
the influence of good or bad 
friends as studied in 
the previous two blessings. 
Look at some of the role models 
celebrities set for 
the youth of today and you can 
imagine some of 
the problems facing our 
impressionable youth of 
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today. Supposing you plan to 
model yourself on 
Vincent Van Gogh, Kurt Cobain, 
Marilyn Monroe, 
Janis Joplin, Dylan Thomas, Jimi 
Hendrix, Elvis 
Presley, Jim Morrison, Keith 
Moon, F. Scott 
Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway or 
Brian Jones all of 
whom killed themselves at an early 
age, you might 
come to the conclusion that truly 
creative people 
are "too beautiful for this world". 
You might come 
EFTA01160538

Blessing Three: 
Expressing Respect 
to Those Worthy of 
Respect 
52 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
to the conclusion that creative 
writers drank because 
they had to 
or it was the 
"pressure of 
fame". Or that killing yourself is 
how to earn fame 
or emotionally blackmail others. 
We can overlook 
the insecure, grotesquely boring 
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reality of these 
peoples' lives. We can rationalize 
away the brutal 
and banal nature of their 
addictions. We can forgive 
our heroes and we come to be able 
to forgive 
ourselves as well. It gives us an 
instant excuse to 
be irresponsible and indecent. We 
can say we're too 
beautiful for this world too. We 
can act like drugged 
children, crash our lives and drop 
out. 
The truth about someone like 
Vincent Van Gogh 
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is that when he painted he was 
beautiful, but in 
other matters he was not. He was 
always encouraging 
his emotions to work their dark 
magic. It's 
true that he ought to be admired 
while he had his 
paintbrush in his hand, but to be 
admired for his 
whole sorrowful life and to make a 
legend out of it 
is to confuse oneself. The problem 
for us as beginners 
on the initial steps of the Manual 
of Peace, as 
debutants only just beginning to 
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pick up an inkling 
of what is good for our spiritual 
development 
and what is not, we don't yet have 
the ability to 
distinguish between the creative 
and destructive aspects 
of someone's behaviour —
therefore, when 
you are starting out on your 
sojourn of spiritual discovery, 
it's better to choose a role model 
who you 
can rely upon as an exemplar in all 
aspects of life. 
If you can choose a reliable role 
model for yourself: 
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EFTA01160543

mindfulness that is the precursor of 
wisdom. 
• it will add to your enthusiasm 
for self-development 
B. EXPRESSING RESPECT 
AND ITS PURPOSE 
If you ask yourself what you 
automatically do, 
when you have a "hero" in your 
heart, on analysis, 
you find that you devote all your 
waking thoughts 
to them. We put their picture on 
the wall. When we 
speak about them, we only speak 
praise of them. 
we take every opportunity to learn 
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their opinions 
and share them. Given the 
opportunity we try to 
meet with them and imitate what 
they do in their 
lives. Some people even go to the 
lengths of dress 
like them. All these are random 
components of an 
attitude we call "respect". Many of 
the behaviours 
are ways of "paying respect" or 
"expressing respect". 
B.1 What do we mean by 
"respect"? 
Respect means the attitude of 
looking for the positive 
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aspects of a person or an object 
and the effort to 
instill oneself with those same 
virtues. Such respect, 
in context of the Manual of Peace 
is for the aim of 
furthering one's spiritual 
development — it must 
not have any ulterior motive. It 
mustn't be like a 
judo player who raises someone up 
(in his own self 
esteem by flattering them) only to 
drop him onto 
the floor more easily. Some bosses 
blindly believe 
their subordinates' flattery is 
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respect to the extent 
that they overlook the real state of 
affairs and end 
up getting fired. This latter case of 
expressing respect 
does not come from a mind of pure 
innocence 
which expects or demands nothing 
material in return. 
True respect arises in response to 
someone's virtues. 
Something else which may look 
like respect 
but which is in fact an imposter is 
the intention to 
help someone in the expectation of 
gaining something 
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material in return. First comes the 
flattery, 
then comes the unrefusable request 
for this or that 
favour. Boyfriend praises 
girlfriend, saying how 
pretty she is, because he wants her 
to love him. He 
has an ulterior motive to get 
something in return. 
He's not interested per se in either 
her goodness or 
her prettiness. 
B.2 What do we mean by 
"expressing respect"? 
Expressing Respect means any 
polite and intenBlessing 
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Three: Expressing Respect to 
Those Worthy of Respect 53 
tional action towards someone or 
something, both 
in their presence or behind their 
back, that is the device 
that demonstrates that one is really 
recollecting the 
virtues of that person or thing. 
B.3 Purpose of Respect 
The reason behind paying homage 
to those worthy 
of homage is an extension of the 
reason for associating 
with the wise. We have already 
said that we 
associate with the wise in the hope 
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that they will 
help us to develop accurate 
discretion in things concerning 
virtue. It is to help us overcome the 
weakness 
in our make-up, that we tend too 
easily to forget 
all the good and valuable things 
taught to us by 
our teachers and masters and 
parents or the monastic 
community, the Lord Buddha, or 
from books 
we read. When you are taught how 
to meditate for 
half-an-hour per day (or to do any 
other good 
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deeds), however, your memory 
doesn't seem to be 
so reliable. The first day, you sit 
for meditation for 
exactly half-an-hour — no more, 
no less. On the 
second day, you sit for only fifteen 
minutes — well, 
that's better than nothing. On the 
third day, you 
think that while you are chanting is 
actually a sort 
of meditation, so five minutes of 
true meditation is 
enough. On the fourth day it is 
especially humid, 
so you think that chanting is 
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enough, no meditation 
today — after all, thousands of 
other people 
don't meditate, and they seem no 
worse off for it. 
By the fifth day you have entirely 
forgotten how to 
meditate for half an hour. It is for 
the reason that 
doing good deeds is so easy to 
forget that is the 
real reason for the need to pay 
homage. 
On the contrary, when it comes to 
being devious, 
or doing mischievous things, we 
remember the 
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from the first time we're taught 
and never need to 
be taught again for the rest of our 
lives! We never 
forget how to play poker. We 
never forget how to 
shuffle a deck of cards. 
The real reasons behind paying 
homage areas follows: 
1. To give us a firm connection 
with the virtues of 
that person. Connecting up our 
thoughts with a 
person of virtue will elevate our 
own minds to 
the higher level of virtue of that 
person. 
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2. To practice expressing virtues so 
that in the future 
we might have the chance to gain a 
real appreciation 
of the virtues of that person. 
Whether 
we are an adult or a child, if our 
appreciation of 
the real depth of virtue of a does 
not really do 
justice to the depth of their virtue, 
expressing 
homage can help us to appreciate 
it. When we 
were only five or six years old and 
our parents 
took us to the temple they would 
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make sure that 
we paid respect to the Buddha 
images. For the 
child, he cannot see beyond the 
clay or the brass 
of the image and might wonder 
what all the fuss 
is about. A child that is so young 
can have no 
appreciation of the real depth of 
the virtues of 
the Lord Buddha. Taken to the 
home of their old 
uncle, they are told to pay respect 
to their uncle. 
The child cannot distinguish the 
goodness of 
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