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The catastrophe brought to society 
by such parental 
neglect can be enlarged asfollows: 
1. lacking responsibility for their 
own human dignity 
means: if the parents lack 
self-discipline and don't 
fulfil the minimal duties laid down 
by the Buddha, 
the first signs of harm will be that 
their children 
lack any sense of responsibility for 
their 
own human dignity — this being 
expressed in 
four different ways by the child's 
behaviour: 
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1. False View: the child will not 
know the difference 
between virtue and evil, good and 
bad, 
appropriate and inappropriate and 
therefore 
will have no shame of evil [hiri] or 
fear of the 
consequences of evil; 
2. Lack of aim in life: the child will 
have no spiritual 
aim in life, and therefore will tend 
to 
material extravagence and 
selfishness. Such 
a person will take every 
opportunity to do evil 
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deeds that their circumstances and 
needs demand; 
3. Lack of health and hygene: the 
child will be incompetent 
in looking after their own health, 
perhaps being promiscuous, 
thereby destroying 
their own health and human 
endowments; 
4. Lack of interest in 
self-development: Because of 
having no clear aim in life or 
perhaps because 
of bad health, the child will be 
discouraged 
from any efforts to study either 
worldly or 
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spiritual knowledge. As a result 
they become 
even more entrenched in False 
View and may 
bring catastrophe to society —
perhaps going 
even so far as to betray their own 
country. 
2. lacking responsibility for the 
human dignity of others: 
if the parents lack self-discipline 
and don't 
fulfil their own duties, the second 
sign of harm 
will be that their children lack any 
sense of responsibility 
for the human dignity of others 
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sharing 
society— this being expressed in 
three different 
ways by the child's behaviour: 
1. Bias: Having perhaps been on 
the receiving 
end of parental bias, when older 
and finding 
themselves in positions of 
responsibility, the 
Blessing Twelve: 
Raising our children 
154 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
child's tendency to bias in 
decision-making, 
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because of greed, hatred, delusion 
or fear, may 
do important damage to others in 
society; 
2. Narrow-minded and selfish: If 
the child grows 
up into someone narrow-minded 
and selfish, 
they might be alienated in society 
for the rest 
of their life because no-one wants 
to associate 
with them. 
3. Lacks any signs of altruism: 
Having perhaps not 
had any parental training in 
altruism, when 
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coming in contact with a wider 
society, when 
the child's patience is tried, they 
might lose 
control of themselves, expressing 
themselves 
in a rude or violent way. 
3. lacking responsibility for 
self-discipline (economic 
fairness): if the parents lack 
self-discipline and 
don't fulfil their own duties, the 
second sign of 
harm will be that their children 
lack any sense 
of responsibility for self-discipline 
(economicfairness) 
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- this being expressed in three 
different 
ways by the child's behaviour: 
1. Frivolous with money: not 
seeing the value of 
money, and lacking restraint in 
expenditure, 
when a child is no longer able to 
ask money 
from their parents, they look for 
new sources 
of income, the easiest of which are 
usually 
those concerned with the Six 
Roads to Ruin. 
2. Addicted to the Six Roads to 
Ruin 
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3. Unable to uphold the .family 
name: Even while 
still young, the badly-raised child 
can destroy 
the family name and when older, 
they will be 
unable to act as a steward for the 
family fortune. 
In conclusion it can be said that 
two major problems 
stem from bad upbringingof 
children: 
1. Problems of Juvenile 
Delinquency: Problems concerning 
young people in every country are 
becoming 
increasingly serious and aggressive 
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with 
every year that passes. In the olden 
days, the 
problems of young people would 
affect only 
those of age fifteen upwards, but 
now the problems 
are evident from primary school 
upwards. 
2. Parental Problems: Neglect of 
parental duties 
would appear to hold a large stake 
in the problems 
of young people — when parents 
lack the 
self-discipline to fulfil their own 
duties, it is no 
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surprise that their children have no 
self-discipline 
either and lack any sense of 
responsibility 
for human dignity. Juvenile 
delinquency starts 
in the home and goes on to 
exacerbate all other 
sorts of social problems. Most 
people fail to see 
the connection between the 
problems, but the 
Lord Buddha recognized the 
importance of the 
parental duty in bringing up their 
children properly 
- 
and in the SilgalovAda Sutta, 
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accordingly 
put the parents in the most 
prestigious Eastern 
Quarter (where the sun rises) as a 
reminder of 
the importance of this relationship. 
The implication 
of the Buddha's teaching is that 
anyone unwilling 
or unable to fulfil the duties of a 
good 
parent according to the Buddha's 
teaching, 
should consider themselves too 
immature to 
marry or have a family — because 
if they go 
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ahead and have a family while still 
unable to be 
a good parent, they are sowing the 
seeds of immediate 
social catastrophe. 
Realizing the seriousness of the 
duties upon the 
shoulders of any parent, it is 
obvious that we must 
take care in studying exactly how 
the Buddha 
taught parents to raise their 
children and the means 
by which these can be achieved. In 
doing so,we can 
guard against becoming the sort of 
parents who 
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look back on what they have 
achieved during their 
life and feel nothing but regret —
because there is 
nothing more heartbreaking than 
having brought 
up a child who makes a mess out 
of their own life, 
life of others or of society at large. 
A.2 The True Meaning of the 
Word `Child' 
The Pali word for `child' is `putto'. 
This word is still 
found in some European languages 
and usually 
means a sort of `cherub'. However, 
if you look a 
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the root of the word, it doesn't just 
mean `child' but 
also 'unstained', `pure' or 
`fulfilling'. Thus the real 
meaning of a child is to be the one 
who purifies the 
family name. The word also means 
the one who 
brings joy to the heart of his 
parents. 
The child we bring up may be of 
our own flesh or 
blood, or the child may be adopted 
— the Buddha 
categorized children according to 
their origins: 
Blessing Twelve: Raising our 
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Children 155 
1. ones born of our own flesh 
[atraja] 
2. ones born on our property 
[khettaj a] 
3. adopted children given to us by 
others 
[dinnaka] 
4. our students [antevAsika] 
KaEEhahAri JAtaka (J.i.135) 
— but it makes no difference to 
the thoroughness 
with which we must practice our 
parental duties 
towards them. It is implied that no 
matter how the 
child in our care comes to us, we 
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must still practice 
and fulfil our parental duties 
towards them. 
Some people who still have a lot of 
defilements 
want to have a lot of children. 
Luang Phaw Wat 
Paknam said that if you want to 
have a lot of children 
who are full of virtue you should 
ordain as a 
monk because you will have many 
students as your 
children. If you have children of 
your own flesh 
and blood who turn out 
troublesome they you have 
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to put up with looking after them 
the whole of your 
life. However, if they are your 
students and they 
are troublesome at least you can 
make your 
selection.You can say goodbye to 
the troublemakers 
and choose the good ones. Look at 
the Buddha's 
example — even after 2,500 years 
after his 
ParinibbAna there are still children 
of the Buddha 
being born today. 
B. THE COMPONENTS OF 
GOOD UPBRINGING 
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'Would be' parents must prepare 
themselves, both 
inworldly and spiritual ways so 
they are ready to 
bring a good child into the world 
and bring him up 
to be a good person. The parent 
needs to prepare 
themselves for three different 
stages bringing a 
good child into the world: 
1. before conception 
2. from conception to birth 
3. from birth to adulthood 
The task is not easy — really it can 
be considered a 
full-time job 
but the benefits of 
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success will be 
the lifelong pride of the parents. 
As already mentioned, `good 
child' from the parents' 
point of view, covers abroad range 
of meanings: 
in brief, possessing all sorts of 
virtues, good 
physique and sound mind. 
However, it is hard to 
find a person perfect in every sense 
of the word. 
Generally, a child held to be good, 
will have three 
qualities; they will be brainy; 
well-behaved (i.e. be 
able to follow the Precepts), and 
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