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duties towards one another prescribed by the 
Lord Buddha, the third level of disaster which 
will happen to them is that they will lose their 
sense of responsibility for economic fairness in 
society at large — this loss giving rise (at the 
minimum) to the following three undesirable 
symptoms: 
1. Recourse to "Roads to Ruin": If husbands or 
wives lose their sense of responsibility for 
economic fairness, eventually they will turn to 
"Roads of Ruin" such as alcohol for solace, in an 
attempt to "blot out" their suffering. 
2. Economic hardship for the family: When the 
finances of the family are misdirected, the ones 
who suffer the most will be the children who 
experience neglect in their material and 
educational needs — exacerbating problems of 
juvenile delinquency; 
3. Lack of harmony in earning livelihood: when 
the relationship between husband and wife is 
plagued by mistrust and suspicion — if the 
couple eventually has to break-up, the certain 
victims will be the children in the family. 
The problems of the western quarter can be sum-
marized down to two main points: 
L Broken families: The manifest problem of bro-
ken families in our society exacerbates the already 
grave problems faced by young people as well as 
affecting a country's economic stability; 
2. Misunderstanding of marriage: The covert social 
problem of misunderstanding of marriage stems 
from the fact that young people are getting married 
for the wrong reasons. Without any comprehension 
of how to lead a household, a majority of couples 
these days seem to be marrying merely to fulfil their 
sexual fantasies. However, once married, when the 
reality of the situation sinks in, they find themselves 
ill-equipped to make a success of the family life. It is 
ironic that "sex education" has become a compulsory 
school subject at a time when society is plumbing 
the 
depths of marital problems and promiscuity. In 
the olden days "sex education" was not taught, 
but somehow the "man-in-the-street" seemed to 
make less of a mess of his marital life! Maybe 
what they should be teaching in schools instead 
of "sex education" is "how to prepare yourself to 
be a good husband/wife" or "how to prepare 
yourself to be a good parent" ? 
B. HUSBANDS AND WIVES 
B.l Seven Types of Spouse 
In a teaching to SujAtA, the daughter-in-law of 
AnAthapiAlika who was causing considerable friction 
in her own marriage as a result of ill-chosen words, the 
Buddha enumerated seven different sorts of spouse —
some desirable, some undesirable (A.iv. 9Iff., J.269). 
We can use these categories as a mirror on our own 
situation — to throw light on possible room for 
improvement in our current or future relationships. The 
seven categories of spouse are as follows: 
I. A spouse like an enemy [vadhaka samAbhariyA]: 
such a spouse is partial to all sorts of violence. Always 
looking for the opportunity to kill. Sometimes a couple 
was not wholehearted about marriage or their marriage 
was arranged. Only after they have been together for a 
while does the real personality of the partner manifest 
itself and they will always be beating one another. Such 
a spouse is cruel to their partner instead of being 
compassionate, looking down on them, having no 
gratitude to them, and even going as far as attempting to 
kill their partner in some cases — a spouse with such 
characteristics is a spouse like an enemy; 
2. A spouse like a robber [corE samAbhariyA]: No 
matter how much wealth the couple has, if one of the 
couple has such a character, then it is like having 
someone in the house who is burning money the whole 
time until there is nothing left 
e.g. by gambling or extravagence. The people of old 
used to say that seven robberies of your house are 
better than your house burned down (because at least 
robbers leave the house behind) 
— and your house burning down seven times is 
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better than being married to a gambler (because even 
though the house burns down, the land is still left). 
With gamblers, all your property is still not enough 
— they will even run up debts for you to service. 
Such a spouse is full of greed and tries deviously to 
extract as much of their partner's money as possible 
for their self-interest, without thinking how hard 
they have had to work to earn it — a spouse with 
such characteristics is a spouse like a rabbet; 
3. A spouse like a boss [ayyA samAbhariyA]: Where 
the categories of spouse above threatened your life or 
your possessions, the boss spouse will threaten your 
honour — the sort who pulls your ears or treats you like 
a child in front of your friends. They may be lazy —
constantly awaiting the chance to sit down or lie down 
and rest instead of helping with their various duties, 
lacking helpfulness, and using threats and insults to 
goad their partner into doing their work in their place, 
but never accepting similar treatment from their partner 
— a spouse with such characteristics is a spouse like a 
boss; 
4. A spouse like a mother [mAtA samAbhariyA]: A 
mother has unlimited love for her children, forgiving all 
of their mistakes. Such a spouse will forgive their 
partner for anything they do wrong. You will see the 
special features of such a spouse when their partner is 
ill or handicapped and they will look after their partner 
with the same care as they would look after one of their 
own children (without thinking of looking for a new 
partner). This is also true of a spouse whose partner 
dies when their children are still young, who carries on 
bringing up their children single-handed without 
thinking of taking a new partner. Such spouses tend to 
be full of compassion, loving their partner, helping and 
being a credit to their partner, looking after their 
partner's health when they are ill, like a mother would 
look after her own children — a spouse with such 
characteristics is a spouse like a mother. 
5. A spouse like a little sister 
[bhaginE 
samAbhariyA]: Such a spouse is almost the same as the 
motherly spouse, but a little more playful, 
lonely, moody and emotional — but at the same time 
truthful, honest and faithful. They tend to be 
ashamed of evil and fear the consequences of evil, 
respecting and looking up to their partner as if they 
were an older brother or sister — a spouse with such 
characteristics is a spouse like a little sister. 
6. A spouse like a friend [sahAya samAbhariyA]: Such 
a spouse is one of similar background, tastes, education 
as their partner — maybe they have known their partner 
since childhood. Such a couple tend not to have much 
sense of respect towards one another. Their level of 
morality will be similar and they can live quite happily 
together. Such a spouse will tend to be generous and 
sincere — empathizing with their partner in all they do 
throughout their life like a friend who goes together 
through thick and thin — a spouse with such 
characteristics is a spouse like a friend. 
7. A spouse like a slave [dAst. samAbhariyA]: Usually 
the intelligence of such a spouse is less than that of 
their partner. They will be honest, they may want to 
serve their partner to the utmost but they may make 
mistakes. Such a spouse tends to allow themself to be 
abused, slapped or beaten by their partner without 
becoming angry or vengeful and without blaming their 
partner 
— being contented to be completely dominated by 
them — a spouse with such characteristics is a 
spouse like a slave. 
Living together like these first three sorts couple is like 
being in hell from the time you are still alive. When such 
spouses die, then it will only be a continuation of the 
retribution from all the terrible things the husband and 
wife have done to one another. They will pass away into 
hell at the end of their lives as a result of the bad karma 
they have accumulated for themselves. 
The remaining four types of spouse will pass away into 
heaven at the end of their lives as a result of the good 
karma they have accumulated for themselves. They all 
represent marriages which have the chance of working 
out. Both husband and wife have a baseline of morality 
and are flexible. 
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The marriages with spouses from categories "4" to "7" 
are in decreasing order of stability. Thus if you are 
already married then ask yourself which category you 
have worked yourself into — as "4" is the most stable 
of all. 
C. DUTIES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES 
Cl Getting Married 
CM Choosing a compatible husband or wife 
In order for a couple to stay together, it is necessary 
that they are compatible in terms fo the level of virtues 
they possess — particularly the following four "virtues 
of compatability" [samajEvi-dhamma]: 
1. faith [sama-saddha]: husband and wife should 
have the same level of spiritual faith and the same 
level of "aim in life" 
2. self-discipline [sama-sEla]: husband and wife 
should have the same standards of Precepts, 
manners and etiquette as one another; 
3. self-sacrifice [sama-cAga]: husband and wife 
should have the same level of self-sacrifice in 
selflessly devoting themselves to generous deeds or 
helping others; 
4. wisdom [sama-pafiliA]: husband and wife should 
have the same level of wisdom, creativity, empathy 
and common-sense — being on the same 
communicative "wavelength" — neither suffering 
overly from stubborness. 
In addition, concerning compatability, the Buddha 
warned of the perils of an old man bringing home a 
young girl as a wife: 
(When) an old man takes as a wife a vigourous 
young girl and cannot sleep, because of his 
possessiveness for her, this leads to his downfall. 
ParAbhava Sutta, SN.20 v.109-10 
C.1.2 Marrying your spouse 
In the time of the Buddha, there was no such thing as a 
legal registration of marriages. A man and a woman 
mutually decided to accept each other as husband and 
wife and thereafter they lived together. Their marriage 
was carried out in the presence of the lay-community 
rather than in the presence of the spiritual community. 
In the present day, however, legal registration of a marriage is 
required. Details differ from country to country and 
Buddhism supports whatever complies with the Law. 
However, there remains no specific Buddhist ritual or 
procedure to conduct a marriage. Buddhism recognizes the 
traditions and cultures practised by people in different 
countries — hence Buddhist wedding rituals differ from one 
country to another. In general, there will be a religious service 
for blessing and to give advice to the new couple, performed 
either in the home or in the temple. 
Some hesitate over becoming "officially" married over 
concerns such as whether their marriage vows will substitute 
for affection as the bonds to hold the couple together! 
However, this misses the point of legalizing a marriage which 
is publically to recognize one's spouse. How do you think a 
wife would feel if her husband were too embarrassed to admit 
he had married her? — or how would the husband feel if his 
wife refused to wear a wedding ring? Marrying is about 
showing each other due respect 
— and this is the foundation of the trust which unifies 
the couple. 
C2 Maintaining a married relationship 
C.2.1 The challenge of married life 
Life in a long-term relationship is infinitely more 
demanding on one's store of virtues than that of dating 
and first love. How can a couple preserve the joy of 
their initial encounters while developing the love and 
understanding to ensure a happy and stable marriage? 
How can partners respect their own dignity and that of 
their "better half' instead of running off to get a divorce 
or abortion after their first quarrel or dispute? 
C2.2 Principles 
In a recent piece of research on the emotions, it was 
discovered that immediately conflicts within a marriage 
lead to "stone-walling" (i.e. the husband and wife are 
no longer on speaking terms), the further life 
expectancy of the marriage will not exceed three years 
(John Gottman, What Predicts Divorce). Conflicts can 
not be avoided in a marriage — the secret of happy 
marriage relies on keeping open channels of 
communication to deal with them. 
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A surprise for many modem-day readers is that the 
Buddha never recommended "making yourself more 
attractive" or "being sexy" as a way to maintain a 
marriage. He addressed instead the gravest enemies of 
marriage: "distrust" and "suspicion". 
Maintaining 
good 
channels 
of 
communication 
according to the principle recommended by the Lord 
Buddha is to maintain a healthy "emotional bank 
account" [saigahavatthu] with one's marriage partner. 
There are four ways of maintaining a healthy emotional 
bank account with your partner as follows: 
L Giving resources [dAna]: If two people are going 
to live together they must be able to sham what they 
have with their partner. Any place that lacks giving 
will be parched like an emotional desert. Once 
married, all the property once individually owned 
should be shared. To "keep back" something as an 
individual asset will only create suspicion — and 
suspicion kills marriages. Thus it is important to 
keep open a channel of communication in the 
marriage whereby one partner can consult the other 
if they are suffering or are having problems with 
material resources. 
2. Endearing speech [piyavAcA]: A husband and 
wife should take care always to address each other 
with polite speech, even in the case they need to 
criticize each other. Sometimes if things become too 
informal, careless words may touch on the "views" 
of the other partner and disturb the peacefulness of 
the family. After marriage, one should use the same 
standard of polite of speech used before marriage! 
3. Helpfulness [atthacariyA]: A husband and wife 
need to lend each other a helping hand. Also if one 
of the partners learns something new concerning 
spiritual knowledge, they should share it with their 
spouse. When a conflict arises in the marriage, there 
is a huge temptation to put all the blame on the other 
partner instead of taking collective responsibility —
but if both are well-versed in spiritual teachings, the 
couple will tend to deal with the problem directly 
instead of merely 
looking for someone to blame. 
4. Consistency [samAnatatta]: Both husband and 
wife have implicit duties in the marriage (see details 
below) and to the degree they live up to these duties 
they will avoid the suspicions of their partner. If a 
husband has decided that his wife should take 
responsibility for the running of the house, he should 
not subsequently come interfering in the household 
affairs. 
Sometimes 
"appropriateness" 
is 
not 
immediately evident 
for every 
situation 
—
sometimes it is hard to sense what your partner 
expects of you — but if both partners meditate on a 
daily basis, they will tune in more easily to 
consistently harmonious behaviours. 
C.2.3 Five duties of a husband to his wife 
Based on these four principles, in the SilgalovAda 
Sutta the Buddha advised of five duties a husband 
should fulfil towards his wife and five duties a wife 
should fulfil towards her husband. The duties of a 
husband are as follows: 
I. He must praise his wife: He should not keep a wife 
in secret. Once a man is married he should show off his 
wife in public, not keep his wife in secret. He should 
have a proper, lawful registration of his marriage. He 
should be careful to treat his wife with respect, not 
criticising her personally in front of inferiors. 
Z He must never look down on his wife: Even though 
a couple is married doesn't mean that a husband will 
have an attitude of respect to his wife. Sometimes he 
may look down on her or even treat her like a slave or a 
pet animal. That a husband restrains himself from 
looking down on his wife in any way, shows his 
responsibility for the human dignity of others. 
3. He must never be unfaithful: Because a Buddhist 
husband is a man of virtue it goes without saying that he 
refrains from the Four Defilements of Action 
[kammakilesa]: killing, stealing, adultery and telling 
lies. He would thus never be unfaithful to his wife, 
because doing so would destroy the human dignity of 
himself and his 
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wife. The feelings of a person who is found guilty be especially careful what she says to them be-of sexual 
misconduct are described in the Sutta cause a few ill chosen words can have serious Nipata: consequences. 
Whatever fame and reputation he had before, of 
course vanishes ...in the grip of his fantasies, he 
broods like a beggar. Hearing the outrage of others, 
he gets depressed ... hearing the spread of gossip, 
he then hides in his own embarrassment. He cannot 
accept the criticism of others on this count, and 
may lie to those who try to counsel him ... 
Tissametteyya Sutta, SN.160 v.817-20 
4. He should give his wife the responsibility for 
looking after the house: To demonstrate his sincerely 
and trust for his wife, a husband must give his wife the 
final word in the organization of the household and the 
family without interfering. If his wife is a "working 
mother" it doesn't make her any less responsible for the 
affairs of the home and the family, but husband and 
wife will need to come to an agreement, according to 
the principles of the "emotional bank account", 
whereby she can manage to keep on top of her domestic 
responsibilities without being overloaded. 
5. He should bring his wife gifts of clothing or 
jewellry: Such gifts express the love of a husband for 
his wife and his appreciation of her virtues. Such 
generosity can mend many marriages. It breathes a new 
air of life into a relationship. A husband should take his 
wife shopping for things she wants to buy. He should 
encourage her to do the things she wants to do 
sometimes to allow her to get out of the house 
occasionally. 
C.2.4 Five duties of a wife to her husband 
The duties of a wife to her husband are as follows: 
1. She see to the proper care of the household The 
wife should see to it that the house become a heavenly 
mansion — the house should be peaceful, the food 
nourishing and appropriate in taste to the age and the 
health of the family members. 
2. She must take proper care of the `in-laws. The 
wife must look after her `in-laws' especially well 
(within the limits of her convenience). She must 
3. She must never be unfaithful: Because a Buddhist 
wife is a woman of virtue it goes without saying that 
she refrains from the Four Defilements of Action 
[kammakilesa]: killing, stealing, adultery and telling 
lies. She would thus never be unfaithful to her husband, 
because doing so would destroy the human dignity of 
herself and her husband. 
4. She must take good care of the shared wealth: A 
wife should look after the shared wealth of the 
household responsibly — being neither extravagent nor 
stingy. This implies that the husband goes out to work 
but entrusts his wife with the money for the 
administration of the family finances. 
5. She must be conscientious in her responsibilities: 
Having been entrusted with the responsibility of 
looking after the household and the family she should 
see to it that these duties are properly fulfilled — rather 
than lazing around at home or doing other work to the 
neglect of the household. 
C.2.5 Reciprocal relationship between husband and 
wife 
From the SilgalovAda Sutta we learn that a husband has 
duties towards his wife and a wife has duties towards her 
husband. In the ideal world, both the husband and wife 
will fulfil their side of the bargain and in doing so, no 
danger will grow up in the relationship or for society at 
large — there will be happiness and prosperity both for 
husband, wife and society at large. 
If the husband fulfils his duties according to Blessing 
Thirteen but the wife doesn't, it can be said that the wife 
has done nothing to deserve such a good husband. In 
addition, certain harm will come to the family. 
If the wife fulfils her duties according to Blessing 
Thirteen but the husband doesn't, it can be said that the 
husband has done nothing to deserve such a good wife. 
In addition, certain harm will come to the family. 
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If the neither the husband nor the wife fulfil their duties 
according to Blessing Thirteen, certain harm will come 
not only to the family but to society at large too. 
C2.6 Ten further principles of happily married life 
Finally for the married couple we are fortunate to have 
passed down to us in the Buddhist tradition the ten-fold 
advice given to VisAkhA by her father Dhanaficaya on 
the day of her wedding (DhA.i.384ff.): 
Don't let the fire inside go outside: don't go 
spreading the secret problems from inside the house for 
people outside to know about; 
2 
Don't let the fire outside come inside: don't bring situation. 
gossip of problems from elsewhere into the house, especially 
gossip that is of no benefit to know; 
10. Be respectful to the angels: to congratulate one's 
3 
Give to those who give to us: help those who hay Susband or inlaws when they do something good or have 
helped us in the past especially the parents of both the 
experienced good luck. Our words of encouragement 
husband and the wife. Let them borrow things. If you lend should lead them to ever better good deeds. 
things to people and they return them punctually, you should 
lend things to them a second time; 
4 
Don't give to those who give nothing to us: 
C.2.7 Sharing spiritual practice 
others — for example it would be insulting to sit on 
a higher level than one's in-laws. 
8. 
Find an amenable place to sleep: You should 
make sure that the sleeping place of everyone in the 
family is restful. Be prepared to get up before anyone 
else in the family and go to sleep when everyone else 
has already gone to bed. 
9. 
Keep the fire going: that is to take special care 
of one's in-laws and husband when they are "on fire" 
(i.e. in a bad temper) — even if they should speak in an 
unpleasant way to us, it is necessary to hold ow silence 
instead of answering back — to say the right thing at 
the wrong time will only make the situation worse. 
Sometimes the wife must wait until things have 
"quietened down" before explaining the real reason for 
Don't lend things to people who never return them 
or return them late or to those who in the past have 
refused to help us even though it is withing their 
capability to do so; 
5. 
Whether they give or not, be generous anyway: 
Whether they have helped us before or not, if they are 
our relatives and they have fallen on hard times, you 
should help them anyway. It doesn't matter if they 
return money given or not because their inability to 
return it is through circumstances beyond their control; 
6. 
Make sure that the food is amenable: Make 
sure the meals served to your family are nutritious 
— and serve your in-laws with good food too. You 
may have to eat after your children have finished 
their meal — but if all the family are well provided 
for in terms of food, you too will have no problems 
when it comes to eating; 
7. 
Find an amenable place to sit: This means 
the wife must know relative level of respect due to 
You also need to be able to support your spouse 
spiritually. Any incompatabilities on a spiritual level 
discovered after marriage can by nurturing a mutual 
interest in spiritual self-development: 
I. Persuade them to be generous, keep the Precepts, 
listen to sermons and meditate. Some are scared to 
encourage their spouse to have too much involvement 
with spirituality in case they turn professional and leave 
them to bring up the family alone. Some men say, "I 
want a wife in the home not a nun." However, if one's 
wife stays at home and also keeps the Precepts then we 
should be thankful (especially for the third precept). In 
the same way, wives can forbid their husbands from 
going to the temple more easily than they can prohibit 
them from unfaithfulness. At least if they go to the 
temple regularly they will be more motivated to be 
faithful to their wife. 
2. Teach your spouse how to do chanting so that they 
have a refuge for the mind. If people have fear and 
shame of evil then they have virtually no vulnerability 
to adultery. Chanting and re-
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spect for the Triple Gem is the basis of fear and 
shame of evil. 
C.3 Analyzing marriage breakdown 
In the olden days, if a piece of a equipment or a pair of shoes 
were worn or broken, the owner would always take care to 
have it mended as new. No matter how much effort it took to 
have it mended, the owner would be prepared to make the 
sacrifices — because it would be unthinkably extravagent to 
buy another piece of the same sort of equipment or a new pair 
of shoes for as long as there were even a remote possibility of 
mending the old. Our modem society however, has turned 
into a 'throwaway' society. We replace things merely because 
they are worn, or obselete or unfashionable — and it is even a 
pleasure when something breaks because at last you have "a 
legitimate excuse" to buy a new one. Such attitudes towards 
possessions at the worst are wasteful, but when they are 
applied not to objects, but to friendships and marriages, they 
tend to lower one's threshold of patience and loyalty. 
Divorce is becoming so common in our society that in some 
countries, single-parent families are as common as those 
with both parents! How can we analyse a marriage that is 
breaking up in order to know whether a divorce is for the 
better or not? 
Basically there are only two scenarios — being bored 
of one's partner and being bored of marriage. 
In the first scenario one or both of the married partners 
feels that their marriage is not working and that they 
would be happier if they went to live with a certain 
other person. They want to "turn-in" their spouse in 
exchange for a new one! Such a divorce is a bad idea 
because what they fail to realize is that the faults they 
are trying to escape by divorce are not their 
ex-partner's, but their own! If they do divorce, they will 
take these faults uncorrected to their next marriage and 
history will repeat itself. Thus rather than asking for a 
divorce, the person should get down to improving their 
own character in earnest (starting with forgiveness and 
humility) thereby repairing the relationship.This 
scenario applies in 99% of cases. Be warned ! — you 
have no idea before going through with a divorce how 
destructive it will be for yourself, your children, your 
reputation, your spiritual development and for eve-
ryone else you and your spouse know. 
In the second scenario, if after all efforts to ameliorate 
your marriage you realize that the problem is not with 
your spouse, but with marriage in general, this may be a 
valid reason for a divorce. In such a case, you see 
through the folly of being involved in a relationship at 
all. If the reason you want a divorce, is in order to 
upgrade the intensity of your spiritual vocation by 
leading a life of celibacy, with the genuine intention 
never again to enter into a new relationship,this is a 
valid reason to obtain a divorce. One should however, 
minimize the negative effects for any children you may 
have, by waiting first until they are old enough to be 
independent of you. 
D. ILLUSTRATIVE EXAMPLES 
D. I Metaphor: Tongue & Teeth in close proximity,
When chewing one's food, if one's teeth and tongue 
fail to co-operate, biting one's tongue can be painful 
enough to bring tears to the eyes. In the same way, if a 
husband and wife fail to be helpful and understanding 
to one another, apart from making no progress in their 
married life, tears can be expected too in the long-term. 
D.2 Er. Love beyond the grave 
In the Tang Dynasty an emperor who liked to perform a 
lot of merits. He had an empress who was not interested 
in any form of good deeds.Even when their country was 
invaded, the empress would not make any merit to help 
the situation. When her husband sent her to make a 
merit she only pretended to go. When she came back 
she lied saying that she had already made the merit he 
sent her to do. The empress died in advance of the 
emperor. One day when the emperor was sleeping he 
drempt he saw the empress as a ghost crying and calling 
for help. In the morning the king thus called an 
assembly. He asked the monks what could be done. The 
monks told him that he needed to make a merit and 
transfer the merit to the late empress. If the ghost was 
able to rejoice in the merit then she would escape from 
her ghostly rebirth for something better. The emperor 
thus organized a merit-making fit for 
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an emperor. He donated all the gold in his treasury, all 
the servants, all the carriages, chariots and horses. He 
transferred merit for the next seven days. He slept 
again and drempt that he saw the empress now free 
from distress, thanking him. 
The tale of the emperor was therefore told by many 
generations of Chinese until more recently the whole 
subject of transferring merit has been misunderstood. 
Because the normal people don't have the wealth of an 
emperor to make merit, they burn paper money, paper 
Mercedes, paper servants etc. to burn for their deceased 
relatives. It is tempting to think that nowadays deceased 
Chinese relatives get only ashes! 
D.3 Et Reluctant marriage: the nun (Dlaiii.I47ff) 
There was once a girl who had been going to the temple 
since the age of seven and had wanted to be a nun right 
from that time. Her parents didn't let her, saying that 
she must finish her studies. Thus as a child she did her 
duty to her best. When she finished her studies she 
asked her parents' permission to become a nun, but they 
refused saying that they wanted to see her married. Thus 
she was married and continued to do the best of her 
duties as a faithful wife. One day the husband was 
going to take his wife to a fair and said to her 'go and 
put on all your best jewellry so that you look the best at 
the fair'. The wife said, I don't see the point on putting 
on any more jewellry than this. The husband asked why 
not because he had already bought so many nice items 
of jewellry for her to wear. The wife said that really 
none of us have any beauty. The skin on our body just 
hides the putrescence inside ourselves'. The husband 
teased 'with that sort of thinking wouldn't you be better 
off as a nun?' The wife replied, 'actually it is my 
dearest wish if you would only give your permission.' 
The husband allowed her and after becoming a 
bhikkhuAi within a very short space of time, she could 
become enlightened. Whatever duty she had had to do 
in the past she had always done her best, thus when she 
was a nun, before long she could achieve what she had 
set out to do. 
D.4 Et Reluctant marriage: MahAkassapa (Ap.ii.583) 
Kassapa was the son of a millionnaire. His future wife 
was also the daughter of a millionnaire. Each of them 
lived in distant cities. The two families had heard the 
reputation of the other family's child and before long 
they sent messangers to arrange the marriage. Neither 
the bride nor the groom were interested in marriage. 
When they were both forced to many then they did not 
rebel. However, because both of them were more 
interested in the Dhamma, after they were married they 
always slept in separate rooms. Later when both of their 
parents had passed away, they persuaded each other to 
ordain. The husband became a monk. The wife became 
a nun. They left their house, gave away all their pos-
sessions. When they came to a fork in the road, they 
agreed that if they went together they might cause 
gossip so they decided to go their separate ways. Before 
long both of them met with those who could teach them 
the Dhamma and both could become arahants with 
ease. 
D.5 Et Married spite beyond the grave (DhAl.4711) 
There was once a good husband and wife. The wife was 
barren and felt sorry for the childless husband so she 
found a mistress for him. Both the wife and the mistress 
were good friends but all of us still have defilements 
and cannot be trusted. When the mistress got pregnant, 
the husband was so pleased that he lavished more 
affection on his mistress than on his wife. This made 
the wife envious because she thought to herself, "even 
when the child has not yet been born, my husband is 
already treating me with indifference. If the child is 
born, the husband will certainly treat me with no more 
respect than a pig or a chicken around the house." Thus 
she thought 'time is of the essence' and found some 
poison that would cause abortion and tricked the 
mistress into drinking it. The first child was aborted. 
When she became pregnant a second time, the wife did 
the same again. By the third pregnancy, the mistress 
worked out what was happening and refused to take the 
'medicine' thus there was a fight between the wife and 
the mistress. The wife killed the mistress who was 
almost defenceless because of her pregnancy. When the 
husband saw what had 
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happened he killed his wife. Before the mistress died 
she was so vengeful that she made the vow that she 
would kill and cat all the children of that wife in every 
future lifetime. When the mistress died she was reborn 
as a cat in the same house. The wife was born as a 
chicken in the same house. However many eggs the 
chicken laid, the cat would eat them all. The chicken 
was thus angry and before it died made the vow to eat 
all the children of the cat in the next lifetime.The 
chicken was reborn as a tiger and the cat was reborn as 
deer. The tiger ate all the baby deer. This carried on the 
same until the final lifetime when the wife was born as 
a man-eating ogress. The mistress was born married to 
the same husband again.The man-eating ogress ate up 
the first and second children of the couple. When the 
third child was born, the mother realized in time and 
quickly took the child to where the Lord Buddha was 
staying. As soon as the man-
eating ogress followed the mother into the temple, its 
temptation to eat people disappeared. The Buddha 
summoned both of the two. The Buddha looked at their 
previous lives and made the pictures of their past visible 
for others to see as well. Having seen the pictures, both 
of the women knew the reasons for everything and so 
were able to forgive one another. The ogress was able 
to become a stream-enterer. The mistress attained faith 
in theTriple Gem.The ogress didn't know how to earn 
her living so the mistress brought her home and looked 
after her like a daughter. The ogress knew in advance 
what the seasons of the year would be like — whether 
there would be drought or flood and the forecast she 
passed on to her caretakers and they were able to 
become wealthy. The moral of this story is don't go 
looking for mistresses to help any situation because we 
all still have defilements. 
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Blessing Fourteen: 
Not Leaving one's 
Work Undone 
A. INTRODUCTION 
A.1 The "work ethic^ in Buddhism 
Like many other spiritual traditions, Buddhism is a religion 
which supports the "work ethic". Buddhism is not a religion to 
tolerate lazy people. Even if you have already fulfilled all the 
blessings in this grouping by cherishing your parents, children 
and spouse, if you neglect to be lively in earning your living, 
harmony in the family will not come about because of 
financial difficulties. From a financial point view is necessary 
to devote oneself to earning one's living in order to support 
one's children, to have a legacy to pass on to one's children, 
to support one's spouse and cherish one's parents. 
In Buddhism it is also seen as dutiful to work hard because 
out of gratitude, one recognizes that in order to come to 
working age at all, we are a result of considerable 
investment of time, money, education, love and patience 
by parents, teachers and state alike and if we don't put our 
skills into action, then that investment and good will 
would go to waste. Thus in Buddhism a lazy person is also 
seen as an ungrateful person. 
Supposing you are already someone who has 
knowledge (Blessing Nine), practical skills (Blessing 
Ten), it doesn't mean that you will automatically be 
effective in doing your work. Some people with the best 
of education and experience, make no impact on their 
work if they never get round to doing it. 
Many think that the reason for procrastination is 
laziness on the part of the person involved. How 
ever in recent academic studies, it turns out that the 
reason we don't do things even when we know it is a 
good idea is often much more varied. 
• 
procrastination coming from fear: especially 
the fear of being judged to lack ability. Such people 
have an inferiority complex over their ability and would 
rather be seen to fail in a task because of procrastination 
(lack of time) that because of lack of ability. Thus the 
slip-shod work of the final minute rush means that 
procrastination is an excuse for mediocrity. 
• 
procrastination because of perfectionism: 
some people have been brought up with the fear of 
doing too well, or appearing too keen, or being a 
"goody-goody". Consequently they procrastinate, not 
putting in their best, so that if the results come out well, 
it doesn't look intentional or magnifies the myth of 
`latent ability'. 
• 
procrastination from the misconception that 
work expands to fill the time available: Some people 
are disorganized to the degree that they feel they have 
no control over the time they spend on any task. 
Therefore they leave tasks to the last minute in order to 
`save time'. However the results of the work often 
leaves a lot to be desired. 
• 
procrastination because of resentment of 
control: 
(e.g. when a person doesn't like their boss). Here 
procrastination serves as a way to give power to the 
underdog, to say "get off my back", as a sort of 
game where people try to beat the clock, or 
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reminding others of things they are starting to take 
for granted (when the person is not assertive enough 
to say 'no' directly). 
• procrastination is sometimes used to control 
distance in relationships: to make a person more or 
less reliant on another person or persons. 
Whatever the reason, the Buddha taught that pro-
crastination either in worldly or spiritual work will 
limit one's ability to earn one's living and the result 
will be to destroy harmony in one's family life. 
B. WHAT IS WORK? 
B./ Definition of work: physical and spiritual 
When we talk of 'work' in a religious context we mean 
'a means of earning our living'. We cannot survive 
without money. We have to have something to eat —
but don't forget that food is of many types . .. It is just 
like a tree needs food, but the food that nourishes it is 
sucked up through the roots.The food for a light bulb is 
electrical current. Because work is simply a means of 
earning our living we thus divide work into two main 
components, neither of which we can afford to leave 
undone: 
throwing a pot of clay) or driving at the same speed as 
• 
food for the body: For our body we need solid f 4  rest of the traffic. Meditation needs you to be patient, 
e waiting for crops to grow or like a hen hatching an 
To get the food we need for ow body we must find ourselves 
. 
a job or a career. Work (physical) means the means by whir where the mother hen must wait thirty days whether 
IHb mother hen must wait thirty days regardless. If 
we can nourish our body and its scope also reaches to suchk . 
t trigs have a fixed period or cycle there is not point 
things as maintaining harmony with the other people aroun 
. 
rushing them. Also if you rush into something and do it 
thing in the 'out' tray. Thus if you have lost a particular 
document people in the office say playfully "If you 
want to find finished work go to Mr. A but if you want 
find unfinished work go to Mr. B because it is all on his 
desk!" The same is true for students always leaving the 
revision until the exams are close. If you want to look 
at why work is left unfinished, in almost every case you 
can generalize down to four basic reasons: 
I. wrong timing: Doing the work at the wrong time or 
with the wrong timing. If you do the work at the wrong 
time such as ploughing a field out of season, weeds will 
choke the bare soil before you manage to sow your 
crops (has0y in things that don't require it) or else wait 
until it's too late before you start doing something (slow 
in things that should have been finished long ago) e.g. 
someone who doesn't study when he has the opportunity 
as a child and has to do his studies when he too old to 
remember anything. ( 'Make hay while the sun shines' 
but More haste less speed). Same for people who wait 
until they are old before becoming interested in training 
the mind. Work which needs to be done patiently (e.g. 
us. 
wrongly as the result you will waste both time, money 
• 
food for the mind: food suitable for the mind is and morale because instead of doing it only once (cor-
"merit" i.e. the fruits of ow good deeds and spiritual 
redly) you have to do it three times (do it wrongly, undo 
development. Working on the mind doesn't just mean &eV nd re-do it) and on every time there is no satisfaction 
, 
contented the whole of the time, but also to develop the mi m your achievement. Better to do things cautiously so 
to become wiser too. 
you can get it right from the start. With meditation also 
you cannot rush to bring the mind to a standstill. You 
cannot achieve overnight success in meditation (except 
for 0.00001% of people in very exceptional 
circumstances).You have to be able to tell whether what 
you are doing is the sort of work where the time spent is 
fixed or whether it is 
C. UNFINISHED WORK 
Cl Why work left unfinished 
Some people in an office get a reputation for leaving a 
backlogue of work. Every piece of work which 
involves them in any way can be easily found because 
it is always on that person's desk unfinished. They 
have two baskets on their desk, an 'in' basket and an 
'out' basket. The 'in' basket is always stacked up 
higher than their head, but there is never any 
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something that can be hurried. If it is to take a fixed 
length of time, then you have to put up with waiting. 
However, if it is something that can be done more 
quickly then it can be hurried so that you have more 
time to speak to others. 
2. wrong technique: An example of doing things by 
the wrong technique is trying to work individually 
when the task requires teamwork or dividing up your 
time wrongly spending too long doing any one question 
in an examination paper — the result is that you run out 
of motivation to do the work at all. 
3. never getting started: There are many reasons why 
people prevaricate instead of starting to do things. One 
reason is those wait for the auspicious time by studying 
horoscopes. Meditators however, are those who take 
their destiny in their own hands and don't wait for 
astrologers to organize their lives for them. Any time 
when you get round to doing good deeds, then the 
simple act of getting down to doing it will be auspicious 
itself. If you want to know whether it is the auspicious 
time to do something or not, don't waste money to see a 
fortune teller but instead use your powers of 
observation and experience to see whether you are 
ready and prepared to do the task in hand. If by 
common sense you have discerned that you are ready to 
do something, there is a good chance that getting started 
will yield success. 
4. not genuine in one's efforts: Not being genuine in 
one's efforts means getting one's priorities wrong. 
Instead of realizing how important your work is, you 
neglect it in favour of something more trivial. Common 
distractions that get in the way of our work are as 
follows: 
dull the mind. To overcome such a tendency you 
need to abstain from consuming these substances. 
• 
courting lovers: Some do no work because they 
are more interested in boy/girlfriends and spend all day 
looking in their diary... 
• 
entertainment: some take their leisure time more 
seriously than their time at work to the neglect of earning 
their living. 
• 
gambling: because they are more interested in 
gambling — they have no time for working and burn up all 
their savings. 
• 
bad friends: modelling oneself on bad friends 
who neglect their work will make us more lazy 
• 
laziness: when people become lazy they have 
excuses for everything excuses — where work is 
concerned if it is not too hot it is too cold, if it is not too 
early it is too late. 
• 
incompatible working hours: This is not the 
same as being more interested in sleeping but leads to 
failure in work because they work at a time which doesn't 
fit in with other people. 
D. STRATEGIES FOR NON-PROVARICATION 
D.1 Those who are successful in work 
Thus if you want to be successful in whatever you do 
you must: 
I. Do it at the right time 
2. Do it in the appropriate way 
3. Get round to doing it 
4. Do it enthusiastically and conscientiously 
The signs of someone who will be successful in their 
work are as follows: 
eating. The way to cure such a habit is to go on a 
meditation retreat where you must eat food all mixed up 
together or eat only one meal a day. 
• 
sleeping. To train yourself to sleep no more than 
you need to you have to train yourself from an early age. 
• 
alcohol: because they am more interested in 
consuming alcahol or other intoxicants that 
I. Approaching work in the appropriate way 
(paEirEpakArt). You must have learned from 
Mangala 7 and 8 before you can achieve this. When 
you are new to work you have to learn from your 
errors. You need to be observant and patient to 
obtain this characteristic. 
2. Loving work and challenges to one's ability 
[dhuravA]. Not to look down on work of any 
sort. 
3. Keenness and quickness in work and enthu-
siastic, lively & active [uEEAtA]. If you do find 
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that you are lethargic then maybe you should take 
up sport. (havalca Sutta S.i.214) 
19.2 Recipe for success in worldly & spiritual work 
Success in one's work will be attained more easily, 
whether it be worldly or spiritual work, if one is able to 
put into practice the following four principles called the 
"Four Foundations of Success" [iddhipada] applicable 
to all types of work, worldly or spiritual. Practising 
towards success comes in four stages: 
I. initial motivation [chanda]: With work you need 
the willingness to get down and do the work. 
Without this, you will never get down to doing it. 
For spiritual practice it is also important to try to 
find the initial motivation to cultivate yourself. 
Don't wait for the mood to work or cultivate 
yourself to accidentally happen — look for ways to 
create the right mood! It means looking forward to 
the practice of meditation. Sitting down to meditate 
like a mercenery or even forcing yourself to do the 
practice will never give you the results for which 
you are seeking. 
2. initial application [viriya]: The next thing which 
you require is actually to get down to work in the 
proper way — starting as you mean to go on. This 
often means achieving an optimal balance between 
productivity and enjoyment (mindfulness and 
comfort for meditation). 
3. sustained application [citta]: Starting out well is 
not enough however, and you have to be able to 
keep up the good work if you are to succeed. You 
need to be consistent about your work or spiritual 
practice meditation setting aside time for both each 
day — and not giving in to exceptions and excuses. 
For work you need to keep going until you bring the 
task to completion, for meditation you need to culti-
vate mindfulness until it is something you can 
maintain twenty-four hours-a-day. 
4. retrospective analysis [vEmaOsA]: you need to 
back over your work and give yourself feedback 
looking for ever better and more of 
ficient ways to do the same task in the future. In 
spiritual practice you need to be observant. You 
need regularly to examine your own performance 
remedying your weaknesses as quickly as possible 
so that they no longer impede your worldly and 
spiritual progress. If you experience success, you 
should remember the reasons for your success so 
that you can apply it on future occasions. 
D.iii.221, Vbh.216 
If you can follow these four simple principles in your 
professional and spiritual work, success is only just 
around the corner. 
E. ILLUSTRATIVE TALES 
El Metaphor: Those who are patient... 
Those who work without interest whether it is hot or 
cold, persevering like the toughest of grass, dedicating 
their manly strength to their business, will not fall away 
from happiness. 
£2 Metaphor: Just as dung accumulates on a pig's 
tail 
The nature of dung on the tail of a pig is to accumulate 
with the passing of the days making it increasingly 
difficult for the pig to find happiness in its daily life. 
The work a person leaves unfinished is of the nature to 
impede 
their 
prosperity. A person's value 
is 
proportional to the work they complete. The work they 
leave undone detracts from their value. 
£3 F.z. CuOakaseEEhE JAtaka (J.4) 
There was once a millionnaire and his servant who were 
travelling in a cart in the middle of India. The 
millionnaire saw a dead mouse at the side of the road 
and pointed it out to his servant saying 'if someone had 
proper principles of working as a salesman even with 
such a dead mouse as this he could set himself up in 
life.' The servant immediately got down from the cart 
and allowed the millionnaire to go home alone. He 
picked up the mouse and because he knew a lot of 
people in the area, he selected a house where he knew 
someone with compassion who kept cats was living and 
took the mouse there. He knew that compassionate peo-
ple won't kill mice but at the same time the cat has 
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to have something to eat every day. He sold the mouse 
to the householder for a few cents. He used the few 
cents to buy some sugar-cane juice from the people 
crushing the cane. He asked for another bucket of plain 
water. He took the water and the sugar cane juice to the 
gate of the town. He waited until the flower-gatherers 
from the palace came back from where they had been 
picking flowers outside the city wall. Of course they 
were tired and thirsty as they came to the gates. He 
gave them a glass of plain water to drink first of all. 
After they had slaked their thirst, he gave them a 
second glass of sugar-cane juice. The palace attendants 
didn't know how to pay the man so they gave him each 
a handful of jasmine flowers. The man took the flowers 
and sold them for a small profit. He had a little more 
money than before. He bought more sugarcane juice 
and collected a little more rain water, he sold all of it to 
the flower gatherers on the second day, and got enough 
money for a second round of sugar-cane juice —
enough for the people collecting firewood. The people 
with the firewood drank the sugar-cane juice and each 
left him with a bundle of firewood. He sold the 
firewood and got even more sugar-cane juice. He kept 
his eyes and ears open and noticed that there had been a 
storm in the night. In the royal forest there were many 
broken branches and tree-trunks on the ground. He took 
his sugar-cane juice along to the forest. He offered to 
the forest keeper to be the one to clear up all the broken 
branches and the forester agreed because he would be 
able to have an easy day. He therefore offered 
sugar-cane juice to the children running and playing 
nearby and the children cut and gathered all the broken 
branches together into 
a huge pile. He sold the branches as firewood to a potter 
and bought a big barrel. Where he had sold sugar-cane 
juice by the bucket before, now he sold it by the barrel. 
He bartered sugar-cane juice for flowers, firewood and 
even grass-fodder. One day a big caravan of traders 
arrived at the gate with many hungry horses etc. He told 
the stable boys in the palace not to sell their fodder to 
anyone and he sold his own fodder at a high price to the 
traders. It was not enough and they even took the fodder 
from the palace to sell to them at the same high price so 
that everyone got a profit. He carried on working like 
this until before long he was able to put down a deposit 
on a trading ship. His ship kept trading until he had 
amassed a fortune of 100,000. In the end he returned to 
the old millionnaire who had been his master and 
presented him with the 100,000 saying that all of this 
wealth had come from the policy of seeing benefit in a 
dead mouse. The millionnaire was so impressed that he 
gave the man a fortune of a million and also his 
daughter's hand in marriage. 
E.4 Er. Nakkhalta Ataka (149) 
There was once a bridegroom who was due to be 
married the next day. He was about to go to the 
wedding reception when a fortune-teller came and 
warned him that today was not an auspicious day for a 
marriage. The man believed the fortune teller and 
decided not to turn up for his own wedding. The bride 
waited and waited and then in impatience married 
someone else. The bride took all the first bridegroom's 
property in compensation for his having broken the 
marriage contract and married someone else. 
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The Fifth 
Group of Blessings 
"Becoming a Pillar of Society" 
The Fifth Grouping of the Blessings of Life is usually referred to as 
"Becoming a pillar of society". The Group consists of "Being Gener-
ous" (15), "Practising the Dhamma" (16), "Looking after your extended 
family' (17) and "Working in a blameless way"(18). In the Fourth 
Grouping, we have learned about harmony in the family life (where 
applicable) — doing things like recognizing and repaying the debt of 
gratitude we have to our parents will stimulate our awareness of good 
deeds and the harmony of the family life will be a foundation and a 
springboard to the real performance of virtue which we are to meet in 
this Fifth Grouping. Until now if we have fulfilled all the blessings we 
have learned from 1-14 we can say that we have done no more than 
'break even' in our virtues. We have managed to steer dear of the mine-
fields of everyday life that might cripple future efforts to accumulate 
merit. Thus in this fifth grouping we start to explore the virtues where 
we do truly start to give something back to society and the world about 
us. We are sufficiently mature in our cultivation of good deeds to start 
to produce virtue for ourselves— first in basic ways (in the Fifth Group-
ing) but subsequently in more and more advanced ways. The fifteenth 
blessing of generosity can be regarded the first stepping stone on the 
path of actively producing virtues. It will start to make us into the sort 
of person who society can trust and look up to. It will make us a per-
son who can be considered a 'pillar of society'. 
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Blessing Fifteen: 
Generosity 
A. INTRODUCTION 
A.I Introduction to Blessing Fifteen 
Buddhism places great importance on generosity 
because it is seen as the origin of wealth. The Law of 
Karma states that "we shall reap what we sow" and if 
we provide for the happiness of others through our 
generosity, the karmic fruit will be that we will always 
be provided for in our own happiness and convenience. 
Thus Buddhism sees generosity less in a material way 
(benefit for the recipient) than in its spiritual fruits 
(benefits to the giver). 
A.1 The Importance of Giving 
A.ZI Generosity is a bask virtue 
You may ask yourself why, if generosity is so 
fundemental, why it is not the first blessing. However, 
you must not forget that all the previous Blessings are 
necessary preparation for the actual performance of 
good deeds and recognizing and setting a foundation for 
their accrual. From Blessing Fifteen onwards, all the 
content of the blessings is concerned with real good 
deeds. There are five good reasons for choosing 
generosity as a first priority in doing good deeds (Siam 
Rath Edn. 33/2/428): 
I. It is the first step on the stairway to heaven: It 
engenders the compassionate way of thinking 
characteristic of an angel even from the time one is still 
living in the human realm; 
2. It is like provisions that you can take with you: 
If you have been generous to others in your past, 
then in the future you will be on the receiving end of 
generosity. No matter how far your spiritual journey 
may take you, with the provisions you have stored 
up for yourself through our generosity, you will be 
sure never to fall on hard times. 
3. It is the direct path to Nirvana: It clears the way for 
doing other sorts of virtue with ease. To give an 
example, when peasants slaughter animals it is not that 
they don't know the karmic retribution of what they do 
— it because of force of circumstances of their poverty. 
If you are poor it is hard to keep the precepts properly. 
If you are poor, the opportunity to sit and listen to a ser-
mon is hard to find. Even the price of the bus to the 
temple is hard to find. If you are poor, then you have 
little chance of obtaining a good education. If you are 
poor, you won't see the point of sitting for meditation. 
If you are generous then it will stop you from falling 
into poverty and the other sorts of good deed will come 
naturally. 
4. Generosity, is a splendid means of escaping the 
cycle of rebirth. Anyone who is going to escape the 
cycle of rebirth must have faith in the performance of 
good deeds. As for the good deeds for which it is 
easiest to see the fruition in the here and now, there is 
nothing to beat generosity. 
5. Generosity purifies the mind: The most direct way 
we can cure ourselves of stinginess lurking 
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in the mind is to be generous. The more you give, 
the more you rid yourself from stinginess in the 
mind and the more and more control you gain over 
your desires. 
A.2.2 Generosity makes the world go round 
You can offer money to hire a person but if they don't 
want to do the job, you can offer the highest salary in 
vain. Generosity is like the downpayment needed to get 
a new project rolling. If if wasn't for the generosity of 
our parents, how could we have survived after the 
moment of our birth? If it wasn't for the extra hours of 
work put in by our teachers, would we be so able to 
make sense of the world around us today? Thus it is 
true that before all else one must practice generosity. 
A.2.3 Respect for generosity makes you respectable 
too! 
Some people complain that others show them less 
respect than they deserve. If we are moved by the value 
of giving, then others will respect us for that 
(i.e. we have respect for generosity) then when our 
generosity gives its fruit then we too will be the object 
of respect. If you find that others never treat you with 
much respect then the situation is telling you that your 
attitude to giving is a little reluctant. Thus if you find 
you are not being treated with enough respect, then 
don't go blaming others, put the blame on yourself first. 
Generosity is thus an indispensable prerequisite for 
being a 'pillar of society'. 
B. GENEROSITY 
B.1 Definition of Generosity 
The Pali word 'dAna' means literally 'to give'. In 
this Blessing, we take generosity to mean: 
'sacrificing your own possessions for the benefit of 
other people, wholeheartedly, with the intention to 
honour the virtue of that person, or to assist a person 
of similar social standing, or to help someone who is 
worse off than ourselves.' 
If you are not wholehearted about giving then it cannot 
be called 'dAna'. The Buddhist usage of the word 
'generosity' is therefore broader than the equivalent 
word 'charity' in Christian culture which 
isusually restricted to giving to the poor and the sick. In 
the spiritual sense, 'dAna'sometimes refers to our 
intention to give, sometimes it refers to the thing we 
want to give, sometimes it refers to abstention from 
wrong-doing (e.g. not seeking vengeance from 
someone who has harmed you). In this particular 
blessing we will speak of only the first two instances of 
usage of the word, because we have already mentioned 
abstention from wrong-doing in Blessing Nine on 
"self-discipline". 
B.2 Categories of Generosity (A.L90) 
There are two main categories of generosity 
Concrete generosity [amisadAna] 
2 
Abstract generosity [dhammadAna] 
Material generosity can be subdivided by the quality of 
the gift: 
Giving things of worse quality than you would 
use yourself [dAnadAsa] 
2 
Giving things of equal quality that you would 
use yourself [dAnasahAya] 
3 
Giving things of better quality than you would 
use yourself [dAnasAmE] 
Or by the exclusivity of the gift (M.iii.254-6, A.iii.392) 
Personal [patipuggalikadAna] 
2 
Community [sa]ghadAna] 
Or by the nature of the gift (see BlessingFive §C.2 for 
further details), generosity can be divided into: giving 
useful material objects [vatthudAna]; giving worldly 
knowledge [vidhayadAna]; giving spiritual knowledge 
[dhammadAna]; forgiving [abhAyadAna]; humility 
[apacAyana]; service [veyyAvacca]; transfer of merit 
[pattidAna], and; rejoicing in the merit of others 
[pattAnumodanA]. 
B.3 Reasons for Giving 
Some reasons for giving are less noble than others 
—therefore it is useful to study the variety available to 
that we can select the noblest. According to the 
Buddha's teaching in the PaEhama DAna Sutta 
[A.iv.236] there are eight different reasons why people 
give gifts: 
I. giving because in the hope of getting something in 
return [Asajja dAnaO deli]; Giving because wants 
something in return. Sometimes people 
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give because they want others to see them doing so, 
or they want to become famous as the result; 
2. giving out offear [bhayA dAnaO deli]; Giving out 
of fear. Some give gifts to others because they are 
afraid that if they don't give something the recipient 
will create problems for them (e.g. protection money). 
Such giving can even include being scared someone 
won't love us so we give them things to win their love; 
3. giving in order to repay past favours [adAsi me [i 
dAnaO deli]; Giving in order to repay a debt of 
gratitude we have to someone else; 
4. giving to procure future favours [dAsati me ti 
dAnaO deli]; Giving with the thought that the recipient 
will repay our favour in the future —
e.g. Mr.A gives Mr.B some sweets so that the next 
day he can invite himself to eat a meal at Mr.B's 
house; 
5. giving for giving's sake [sAhu dAnaO ti dAnaO 
deti]; Giving for the joy of it — perhaps because 
spontaneously inspired by a particular monk or seeing a 
group of children without transport to go to the temple 
and gladly paying the cost of hiring a bus for them. 
6. giving out of sympathy for the monks [ahaO 
pacAmi, imc na pacanti, na arahAmi pacanto 
apacantAnaO adAtunaO ti dAnaO deli]; Knowing that 
monks cannot cook rice or catch fish to feed themselves 
out of fear that the monks will starve one gives them 
food. 
7. giving to improve your reputation [imaO me dAnaO 
datato kalyAAo kittisaddo abbhuggacchatE ti dAnaO 
deti], not just out of greed for praise, but because 
indeed generosity is a praiseworthy behaviour, and; 
8. giving in order to improve the quality of the mind 
[cittAlankAra cittaparitkkhAratthaO dAnaO deli]. 
Two further possible reasons are noted in the 
DAnavatthu Sutta A.iv.236: 
I. Giving out of family tradition [dinnapubbaO 
katapubbaO pitu pitAmahehi na arahAmi porAAaO 
kulavaOsaO hApetu ti dAnaO deft]: Giving only 
because your ancestors have always 
made a tradition of giving and you don't want to be 
the odd one out. 
Z Giving because you want to go to be reborn in 
heaven [imAhaO dAnaO datvA kAyassa bhedA 
parammaraAA sugatiO saggaO lokaO upapajjissAmE ti 
dAnaO deli] 
The first four reasons are no more than ways to keep up 
good relationships with the people around us. We want 
others to remember us for ow goodness 
— it is the only reason for giving. There is no merit in 
such giving. This is the sort of giving which politicians 
like to do in order to win votes or of shops wanting to 
boost their sales by giving away free gifts. The 
remaining reasons are all types of giving which are 
done for merit, however people differ as to the extent 
they see the true nature of merit in what is given. In this 
blessing we will try to go as deep as we can, i.e. to 
discover the sort of giving that is going to improve the 
quality of the mind. 
C. HOW TO CULTIVATE GENEROSITY 
Here is some practical advice for cultivating generosity 
in a way that fulfils all the requisite components. One 
should practice generosity according to the following 
steps: 
Cl Make an intention 
Purify your intention by recollecting the virtues ofthe 
Triple Gem and the power of generosity to banish 
stinginess from the mind — filling your mind with faith 
and the joy of the act of generosity you plan to do. 
Once you have made your intention, make sure you 
fulfil it because according to the VaAijja Sutta 
(A.ii.81), the Buddha taught that if someone has made a 
promise to offer a certain amount of requisites to a 
monk or someone who keeps the Precepts, or to parents 
who are virtuous, but when it comes to the appointed 
time: 
• 
do not come up with the goods, then in business they 
will always lose money; 
• 
come up with less goods than they said they would 
then they will always receive less than the anticipated profit; 
• 
come up with the goods, no more, no less than they 
promised, they will always receive the anticipated profit; 
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• come up with goods exceeding the promised amount 
then they will always receive more than the anticipated 
profit. 
C2 Seek out an appropriate gift: 
Seek out or buy an appropriate and wholesome gift by 
your honest efforts. Some people expect to find joy in 
giving to something else something they have obtained 
in a dishonest way — such as picking daffodils in a 
public park to offer on a Buddhist shrine. However in 
his teaching on the Ten Ways of Consuming Sense 
Pleasure [kAmabhogt] (A.v.I76) the Buddha taught 
that there is no joy to be had in the giving of gifts 
obtained in dishonest or partially dishonest ways. 
C2.I The Quality of the Gift 
The Buddha enumerated three different attitudes to the 
quality of the gift chosen for an act of generosity: 
I. Giving things of worse quality than you would use 
yourself [danadAsa]: This sort of giving which literally 
means "giving as a slave" happens when one gives a 
gift of worse quality than one would consider using 
oneself. An example of this would be selecting the 
smallest or most unattractive of three mangos to give to 
someone else. It is termed "giving as a slave" because 
at the time of giving, one's mind is still the slave of 
stinginess. Such giving is characterized by acts of 
generosity to those we consider worse-off than 
ourselves (c.1 earlier comments 5B. I about the Chris-
tian definition of charity). 
1. Giving things of equal quality that you would use 
yourself [clAnasahAya]: This sort of giving which 
literally means "giving as a friend" happens when one 
gives a gift of quality equal to that one would consider 
using oneself. An example of this would be selecting 
any of three mangos you would be happy to eat 
yourself to give to someone else. Such giving is 
characterized by acts of generosity to those we consider 
equal to ourselves — such as friends. 
3. Giving things of better quality than you would use 
yourself [danasAmE]: This sort of giving which 
literally means "giving as a boss" happens 
when one gives a gift of better quality than one 
would consider using oneself — choosing only the 
best to give to someone else. It is termed "giving as 
a boss" because at the time of giving, one's mind has 
stinginess under control. In general, Buddhists 
cultivating generosity try to make sure that their 
giving falls into this last category. When giving rice 
to the monks on their almsround, they will select the 
tender rice from the mouth of the rice-pot to give to 
the monks — before taking their own meal from the 
remainder of the pot. When offering food to the 
monks, supporters will offer delicacies they might 
never consider themselves worthy of eating — and 
when offering food, they might decorate and garnish 
the food with special attention. In fact, when we give 
to others we should always try to give things of a 
quality we would like to be give ourselves, no matter 
whether the recipient is of lower, equal or higher 
social status than ourselves. Such giving is 
especially characterized by acts of generosity to 
those we respect or to whom we have a debt of 
gratitude such as our parents, teachers or teaching 
monks. 
C.2.2 The Nature of the Gift 
Here are some "do's" and "don'ts" to help you with 
your choice — in general things which am worthy of 
giving are the four basic requisites: clothing, food, 
shelter and medicine. You have to be careful, however, 
because some forms of clothing are not suitable. These 
four are sometimes subdivided further into ten: 
I. food (but not aphrodisiacs); 
2. drinks (but not alcohol); 
3. cloth or clothing (but not immodest clothes); 
4. vehicles, shoes or fares for travelling; 
5. flowers; 
6. candles, incense; 
7. rubbing creams; 
8. bed clothes & beds; 
9. shekel; 
10. fuel. As for objects not suitable for 
giving: 
I. Alcohol for the purpose of drinking (rather than 
rubbing alcohol or alcohol for cleaning). 
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Alcohol is the component of some medicines. 
This usage is good — but don't use this as an 
excuse to give alcohol with a little bit of medicine 
instead of giving medicine with a little bit of 
alcohol; 
2. To give shows, entertainment; 
3. To give a female animal to a male animal or 
vice-versa; 
4. To offer matchmaking services to find a partner 
for others; 
5. To give someone else erotic pictures or even a 
picture of yourself (so that they think of us); 
6. To give weapons (especially when two people 
are in the middle of a fight); 
7. To give poisons or drugs. 
In addition the gift should be made clean, refined and 
attractive to receive. At the time of giving you should 
do your best to relinquish your attraction for the 
appearance, sound, smell, taste, texture or mood of that 
object (The meditation master Luang Phaw Wat 
Paknam suggested to bring you mind to a standstill at 
the centre of your body as a practical way of achieving 
this). 
C3 Make yourself pure before giving your gift 
Purify yourself before giving the gift by taking the Five 
or Eight Precepts. Meditate to purify the mind, thinking 
of the recipient as if they were as pure as an arahant, or 
as a representative perpetuating the teaching of the 
Lord Buddha. 
C4 Make a resolution 
It is customary to raise the gift one intends to offer to 
one's forehead while making the resolution. Making a 
wish or resolution is like setting up a long-term plan for 
yourself. If a government takes care of a country it 
must have a long-term plan. Even merchants have plans 
for what they will be doing in the years to come. In 
Buddhism we have merit as our budget and we have 
our resolution or ambition as our long term plan for 
doing good deeds over the course of the lifetimes to 
come. If we have made a resolution at the time we 
make a merit of some sort then when the merit gives its 
fruit it will give its fruit in the way we have made the 
wish. However we must also be careful about the thing 
which we wish for — supposing we make a resolution 
but our mind is still under the influence of defilements 
then it might be disastrous because we leave ourselves 
wide open to the working of evil. If we make a 
resolution about something skilful, by contrast then the 
merit will give its full fruit, shortening our path to 
Nirvana. An example of a skilful way of making a 
resolution is: 
"Through the power of this good deed, from this 
day forth may my mind never fall under the 
influence of greed or stinginess again and may I 
never be born in a family with stingy or greedy 
people ever again and may I never be born in a 
country where there is a shortage of basic needs for 
survival, and even when it comes to studying the 
Dhamma, may I never be stuck with a teacher of 
the Dhamma who is stingy with his teachings and 
wants to keep his knowledge to himself. May I 
never know shortage of anything skilful. May I 
always be well provided-for .. . and may the power 
of this generous deed help me to enter upon 
Nirvana [nibbAna paccayo hotu]." 
Or more briefly according to the traditional Pali: 
"SudinnaO vata me dAnaO AsavakkhayA vahaO 
hotu" (May these alms that I have given on this day 
be for an end of all defilements.) 
CS Harbour no regret in mind: 
Having offered the gift, make sure the gift is gone from 
your mind too by thinking only of the joy of giving and 
not allowing any feeling of regret to enter your mind. It 
is also customary to transfer the merit of one's 
generosity [pattidAnamaya] by making the intention 
that the merit of our good deeds might also benefit our 
deceased relatives wherever they might find themselves 
reborn — in accordance with the Pali verses: 
"IdaO flAtEnaO hotu, sukhitA hontu fiAtayo" (May 
this merit accrue to all my [deceased] relatives. 
May all my [deceased] relatives be happy). 
C6 Summary: Four Tures' 
In conclusion, there are four things that will ensure 
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