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Please release me, let me go ...
Afteryou receive several massages, you'll grad- your muscle fibers, and you'll feel it beginning
ually become accustomed to relaxing your own to tighten up. Then, silently, without anyone
muscles. Eventually you notice that you cand o noticing, you send a mental message to the
the same thing even when you're not receiving growing knot, telling it to go away, in the same
massage, like when you're waiting in line at the way that your massage therapist helps you do
grocery store, stuck in traffic, or sitting in a during a massage. You can take this side bene-
meeting with your boss. "Twang," will go one of fit of massage with you wherever you go.
Expecting a massage therapist to do all your body's relaxing is called giving
up responsibility for your own relaxation, and it's a no-no. Staying loose is your
responsibility; the massage therapist can help you, but you basically have to
do the relaxing yourself. So how do you do that?
You accomplish relaxation by becoming more aware of what you're feeling in
your own body. During the massage, your massage therapist often reminds
you to focus on "knots" or tight areas. In those moments, using the power of
your own imagination, you can begin to visualize what those knots may look
like in your muscles, and to let go of them.
If you're not staying loose by engaging your mind to relax your own muscles,
you're missing more than half the benefits and effects of the massage.
Rule #3: Let Go
When you receive a massage, especially the first time, you may have a ten-
dency — like just about everyone else in the world — to "help" the person
working on you. You may graciously lift your limbs, hold your head up, and
twist your body around, all to make things easier for the other person.
Although this "helping" may seem like the friendliest thing to do, you're actu-
ally hindering the massage process and making your massage therapist's job
a little more difficult. Relaxing a person who is holding her own arm up in the
air as stiff as a flag pole Is pretty darn hard.
The technical term for this tendency during massage is hanging on, and you
want to do exactly the opposite, which is letting.go. But what, exactly, dogs
"letting go" mean?
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The limp-arm experiment
You're basically hanging onto yourself for dear have to go through? What mental image?
life, even the parts of your body that are painful, What body sensation?
stiff, or tense. This•hanging on is a.naturalten-
4. Tell your partner to lift your arm a little
dency, butto get the most out of a massage, you
higher each time.
haveto let go. The limp-arm experiment" is an
easy way to begin training yourself to letgo. Ail Instead of dropping your arm all the way
you need.is-a partner and someplace comfort- back down, tell her to catch it in her other
able to lie down. hand.
1. Lie down on your back and have your part- 5. Keep repeating this exercise until your arm
ner lift your arm up in the air several completely lets go end your partner can
inches. drop.it from any height with absolutely no
resistance.
2. After a few seconds, have your partner let
. go of your arm without any warning to you. This.ability may come naturally to you the
very first time you try to let go, but normally
let your arm drop back down. (Make-sure •
the exercise takes-quite a bit of conscious
that-you're lying on a-soft-surface.)
effort. You Maynot be able to let go until you
3. Watch to see whether your amt plops back niake several Separate attempts on differ-
down, limp as a noodle, or whether you ent days. After you master one arm, you can
hold. it right where she left it, stiff as a try the other arm, a leg, or your head.
board.
Use this newly formed'skill to let go the next time
What do you have to do to let your arm drop you receive-a massage.
back down? What thought process do you
If you were to take a microscope and look deep within your muscles and
joints while you're getting a massage, you'd discover some specialized nerve
cells that monitor the position and relative movement of your body. These
cells are called proprioceptors (see Chapter 4).
These cells constantly tell you where you are in space, something everybody
likes to have a pretty firm control over all of the time, even while asleep.
These cells keep you from just rolling right out of- bed every night.
About the only time you completely let go of all your holding patterns, ten-
sions, and proprioceptive rigidities is when you're under deep anesthesia.
Under anesthesia, people sometimes release the tension they normally think
of as "built-in" through age or heredity, including stooped shoulders, stiff
hips, ugly grimaces, and more. When they come out of anesthesia, they
reclaim these habitual patterns almost instantaneously. They can't sustain
the relaxation because it's unconscious. Massage, conversely, allows people
to achieve a conscious relaxation, which can last Indefinitely.
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One of my clients suffered for years from debilitating pain due to whiplash.
Then one day she received a massage from a woman at Gurney's Inn, a spa in
Montauk, New York. After that massage, the pain was almost entirely gone,
and it continued to gradually fade away. My client was able to make such a
drastic change by letting herself go fully into the healing hands of the mas-
sage therapist. When she did, she stopped holding onto the same painful,
habitual patterns that had formed in her body since the accident.
Rule #4: Stop Thinking, Start Being
The problem with your mind is that it just works too darn well, thinking and
thinking and thinking without stopping all day long from the first moment
you wake up until well after your head hits the pillow. This feature is fine
during most of your daily activities, but when It comes to getting a massage,
too much thinking is definitelya drawback.
Many people get a massage and then ten minutes later can barely remember
it because they weren't really paying attention to it while it was happening.
Instead, an ongoing stream of thoughts kept them from fully experiencing the
massage.
When you're getting a massage, don't think about what you should have done
the day before or what you plan to do an hour later. A massage is time to Be
Here Now. The sensations you're feeling offer a great opportunity to quiet
your mind, focus, and think of nothing else for a little while. In this way, every
massage is a potential meditation. Don't get me wrong: relaxing and joking
around during a massage is perfectly okay, too, but most people, at least
once in a while, can benefit from a massage meditation. (See the sidebar, "A
massage meditation," later in this chapter.)
Rate #5: No Pain, No Gain? No Way!
You may have heard of the massage-masochists who don't believe they're
receiving a real massage unless they have to grit their teeth to keep from
screaming through the whole thing. They're the ones you can hear yelling
from behind massage room doors, "More pressure! More pressure!"
This green-beret school of massage is an unfortunate result of the "no-pain,
no-gain" mentality that military academies, full-contact sports enthusiasts,
and certain daytime-television talk show hosts foster. You don't need to buy
into this way of thinking, and you shouldn't let this attitude scare you away
from getting a massage.
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A massage meditation
Meditation, in a nutshell, is the act of focusing 4. Continue with this awareness — breathing
your entire attention on just one thing,thus stop- relaxation into each successive point that
ping the constant chatter inside your head and the massage therapist is touching.
experiencing a state of timelessness, content-
Eventually, you become aware that the mas-
ment, and wholeness. People achieve this state
sage therapist is tuning in to your breath as
in many ways — through sports, or silence, or
well, and the massage becomes a shared
prayer, for example — and massage is yet
meditation.
another activity that you can use to effectively
shut out the rest of the world and tune into your 5. Communicate with your massage therapist
own inner peace. The next time you receive a both verbally and nonverbally. Together,
massage, try this meditation ... you-can create a special massage mood
that will help you focus on your experi-
1. Close your eyes and begin to get in touch
ence, making the massage more like a
with.your breath, as I describe in the sec-
meditation (see Chapter 9).
tion "Rule RI: Keep Breathing."
6. Keep bringing your mind back to the
Before you receive the first touch of the
massage.
massage, spend several minutes trying to
clear your mind of any other thoughts. You may realize, at various points during the
Concentrateonly on your breathing. massage, that your mind has wandered off
on tome train of thought. This is completely
2. When your manage therapist first makes
natural and happens even to advanced
contact, imagine yourself breathing in
meditation practitioners. Simplytring your
through that very spot
mind gently back to the breath and the
For example, if she starts by massaging your relaxation. Don't worry about how "good"
neck, imagine a stream of fresh oxygen and you-are at meditation. See Meditation For
energy entering through your neck, exactly Dummies (IDG Books Worldwide) for more
where her fingers are. guidance and tips about meditation.
3. On the exhalation, imagine your muscles in
that same area becoming softer, warmer,
and looser.
So, how much pain should you experience during a massage? In my opinion,
none. Zero. However, the line is indeed thin between the pleasure you receive
during massage and a certain kind of therapeutic pain. Some people like to
walk that line while they're getting a massage. If you want to experiment walk-
ing this line yourself, make sure to do so with an experienced professional.
Although certain muscle knots and patterns of tension do respond well to
firm, well-focused pressure, you don't necessarily need to experience it for
yourself. Harder massage is not always better massage, and at times the light-
est touch can achieve the most profound benefits.
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Rule #6: Listen to pour Emotions
Don't be surprised if during a massage one day you suddenly, for no reason
at all, feel like crying your eyes out, or laughing hysterically. Massage some-
times has that effect on people. Some of the reasons for this emotional
response include:
3 Certain emotional memories — usually the result of powerful experi-
ences — can resurface when your body is massaged.
3 No one has touched you with care, compassion, and gentleness for a
very long time. In that case, the experience suddenly overwhelms you
with gratitude, bringing forth tears.
3 You're a very ticklish person.
As esoteric as the first two explanations may sound, they're entirely plausi-
ble. In fact, certain types of massage are famous for stirring up emotions.
Rolling, for instance, often triggers this type of experience. The explanation
for this emotional component of massage is straightforward — your body
and mind have faithfully recorded your every experience, but some of these
experiences were so unpleasant that you filed them away In your uncon-
scious and shut down certain feelings in the corresponding part of your
body. Massaging the affected areas can bring your awareness back to your
body, thus unlocking the memories.
If you encounter one of these emotional peaks yourself during a massage,
relax, breathe, and allow it to happen. Remembering that you are safe in your
present environment, let your mind drift to whatever images or memories
seem to be surfacing. You may find yourself remembering all sorts of things
that you hadn't thought of for years, and you can benefit from letting the
attendant emotions flow freely through your body, without trying to stifle
them. Professional massage therapists are accustomed to this type of emo-
tional release and know how to make you feel comfortable while it's
happening. There's no need to feel embarrassed by the experience.
if, as occasionally happens, one of these resurfacing memories is particularly
traumatic, as in the case of abuse, do whatever is necessary to comfort your-
self. Communicate with the person massaging you, letting her know that you
need to sit up again, or get wrapped in a blanket for a feeling of safety. Have
some tissues nearby to dry away tears. Later you can decide whether you
want to pursue these memories further with the guidance of a psychologist
or other counselor.
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Rute #7: I3tissing Out Is Okay
Sometimes, massage doesn't Just make you feel great; it makes you feel ecsta-
tic, rapturous, and filled with bliss. The feeling is visceral. You're lying there
one minute relaxing, hopefully concentrating on your breathing, but perhaps
just going over your grocery list in your head, when KABOOM!, it hits you,
and suddenly you're just floating there in a syrupy sea of endorphins, not
knowing what to do with yourself.
I can tell you what to do: enjoy this feeling while it lasts, because, like every
other human experience, it passes.
These experiences are different for everyone, and nobody knows exactly
what causes them. They've been responsible for many people changing their
entire lives and heading into a career as a massage therapist. And people
with spiritual inclinations, once touched in this fashion, have created entire
ministries devoted to the "laying on of hands."
A minister named Zach Thomas from North Carolina once had such a power-
ful experience receiving a massage that he went on to become a massage
therapist himself. At first, his church was opposed to his hands-on work, and
Zach had to practice massage privately. Eventually, though, he took his skills
and his compassionate touch out to the public, performing massage for dying
people in hospices and hospitals. He helped form a group called the National
Association of Bodywork in Religious Services (NABRS), which is active
today with hundreds of members. Much of the work the members of this
association do is for those people who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford
it. The nuns and priests and other clergy involved practice the actual "laying
on of hands" as written about in the Bible. For more information, you can
write to the organization at 337 Tranquil Avenue, Charlotte, NC 28209.
The spiritual secret behind massage? Simpleahat massage really boils down
to is two people just being together fully in the present moment, which has
been the essence of spiritual traditions forever, especially in the East. The
mystical traditions of the West have expressed similar sentiments, as noted
in the phrase, "Be still and know that I am God." These understandings are
mystical in nature, not reserved for any one particular religion.
Think of it this way— massage is one sure-fire way to follow the Golden Rule
that exists in almost all cultures and every religion, from the Good Samaritan
to the compassionate Buddha. Do unto others as you would have them do unto
you. Well, who doesn't want to be touched with care and compassion? Who
doesn't like others to help them feel better and lighten their load?
Massage is compassion turned Into action.
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Rule #8: It's Cool to Be Nude (Or Not)
You are, whether you like it or not, naked all the time beneath your clothes.
You were born nude, just like every other human on the planet. Nudity is nat-
ural. However, each culture develops its own peculiar attitudes about nudity,
ranging from those who consider it extremely awkward, embarrassing, and
inappropriate at all times to those who don't think twice about it, anytime,
anywhere, for any reason.
Neither attitude Is healthier than the other, they're just different. The key for
massage situations is to respect the attitudes of both people at all times. If
either the person receiving or giving the massage is uncomfortable with any
kind of skin exposure whatsoever, you're much better off to cover that area
up and keep it covered than to cause discomfort. This applies to the entire
body, even the legs and arms, which most people are comfortable exposing.
Although gliding an oiled palm is definitely easier over bare skin than cov-
ered skin, massage has other moves besides gliding, and you can give a very
good massage to a fully clothed person (I show you how in Chapter 11).
Remember this message: When you receive a massage, you're okay the way
you are — nude or totally covered up. Just be comfortable.
Rule #9: you're the Boss
Even though you're lying down with your eyes closed during most massages,
you're still in charge. With the slightest word or gesture, you can change the
course of the proceedings. Deeper pressure? It's up to you. Slower pace?
That's your call, too. Less chit-chat? Your decision.
You have complete authority to change anything that may be making you
uncomfortable. Requesting a change of music, for example, is perfectly per-
missible, as Is turning the music off altogether. If you want to be covered
more modestly, just ask. Whatever you say goes. You can say exactly what
you're feeling, even ending the massage at any time, for any reason you want.
Period. You always have the option of standing up and saying, "Enough!"
Of course, when you're receiving a massage from a professional massage
therapist, it makes sense to listen to her suggestions. If she thinks you should
quiet down and focus on the massage rather than conversation, for example,
it's probably best to follow her advice. However, don't mistakenly place your-
self in a submissive role Just because you're lying down. Even if the other
person knows more about massage than you, is older than you, or has a
louder personality than you, the bottom line is, when you're receiving a mas-
sage, you're the boss.
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Rate #10: Be Gratetut
During the massage itself, spend some time being grateful for what you're
experiencing in the moment. This course is by far the best one to take,
instead of the alternatives, which consist of
° 3 Wondering when the massage is going to end
3 Plotting the next time you can get a massage
3 Planning your next business trip
3 Worrying about the world economy
Also, be sure to share your feelings of gratitude with the person who just
gave yOu the massage, being especially vocal about her fantastic skills and
techniques. That way, she'll look forward to giving you your next massage as
much as you'll look forward to getting it.
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Chapter 8
Your First Massage
Appointment Step-by-Step
In This Chapter
D Walking through your first appointment
>Where to go to get a massage
p
robably the biggest barrier that stops people from ever signing up for
their first professional massage is a fear of the unknown. Let's face it: If
you have never ventured into a room with a stranger to get rubbed before,
you Just don't know what to expect, and the thought of becoming vulnerable
in any way doesn't inspire you to take the first step.
But hold on. Think back for just a minute. Do you remember any experience
in your entire life that was not scary the first time you tried it? Go as far back
as your first day at kindergarten. That's scary. Getting your first massage is
just another step along the road of discovery in your life.
Your First Appointment with a Pro
You can use the following seven steps as a guide to help you breeze through
your first appointment with confidence and poise, starting before you even
arrive and lasting right up until you walk out the door.
Preparation
In order to get the most out of your massage, you have to do a little more
planning and preparation than you would, say, in order to go get a haircut.
When you schedule your massage, keep these points in mind:
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3 Don't eat a large meal within a couple hours before starting the massage.
You don't want to be lying face down on a belly full of lasagna while
somebody is pressing on your back. Light meals and snacks are okay,
and a larger meal several hours earlier won't affect you.
3 If possible, don't wear a lot of jewelry, which takes a lot to time to take
off and put back on again.
3 Refrain from consuming alcohol before your massage (unless it's a sen-
sual massage and you're sharing a bottle of bubbly with that special
someone to get in the mood). Although alcohol can help relax you, ft
also slows your responses and deadens some sensations. You want to be
alert and responsive because massage is a two-way dance and you need
to do your part.
3 Make sure to schedule enough time before and after your massage so
you're not rushing to get there and flying out the door when you leave.
Hurrying tends to counteract the relaxing effects of the massage itself.
3 Turn off pagers and cellular phones during the massage. This probably
seems obvious, but it may surprise you to know that beeps, buzzes, and
rings have interrupted many tranquil, soothing massages.
3 Make sure any childcare details are completely taken care of before you
begin so your mind can be at ease during your session.
No particular time of day is best to receive a massage, but most people have
their own personal preference. Some like the morning so they can experience
the benefits throughout the day, and others like a massage right before going
to bed at night. Whichever your choice is, try to schedule far enough in
advance so you get the time you prefer. Many massage therapists are busy,
and their "prime times" are taken up early.
Communication
When you arrive at your massage destination, especially for the first time,
you need to engage in a little communication with the person who is going to
massage you. So it helps, of course, if you speak the same language as that
person. And I don't mean just the same native tongue, but the same intention,
too. If what you want out of the experience is fundamentally different than
what the massage therapist intends to give, you're headed for trouble.
For example, if you came In for an hour of blissful relaxation and escape from
stress, but what the massage therapist intends on giving you is a session of
active, muscle-stretching sports therapy, neither one of you is going to have a
good time. The best time to confirm your intentions is on the phone, before
you meet face-to-face, but you need to reconfirm this understanding with
some clear verbal communication after you arrive, as well.
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When you finally meet your massage therapist for the first time, there may be
some nonverbal communication required also, in the form of paperwork to
fill out, like the actual massage therapist's intake form. "Why do I have to fill
out these medical forms if all I want is a simple massage?" you may ask. Well,
it's for your own good. Massage affects the entire body, and it's best if your
massage therapist knows as much as possible about your health history. If a
massage therapist doesn't ask you to fill out a form, however, it doesn't mean
she doesn't care about your health; that's just her style, or the policy of the
spa or health club where she works.
Another type of communication you share with your massage therapist is
both nonverbal and non-written — body language. Your massage therapist,
by profession an expert in the language of the body, may try her best not to
laugh out loud while your body silently struggles with embarrassment and
anxiety at the prospect of getting your first massage. Just kidding! Actually, as
you may imagine, massage therapists become very adept at making their
clients feel at ease in a potentially uneasy situation. It's the little things they
do (and don't do) that make the difference. It could be where they point their
eyes or how they manipulate sheets and towels to make you feel protected
and respected. It's the way they just relax and accept you when you make
yourself vulnerable by being there.
Besides, they're just as eager to make a good first impression as you are,
partly because it's human nature and partly because they want you as a
repeat customer!
Getting comfortable
In most massage situations, after you arrive and go through your communica-
tion rituals, the next step is undressing and lying down. This can be tricky.
It's the moment many people dread, and the one that keeps them from ever
getting a "real" massage. The way it works is like this:
1. The massage therapist explains how you're supposed to get up on the
massage table, pointing out where your head should be, and whether
you should be face up or facedown. If you ask whether you should get
completely undressed or not, the stock answer is something to the effect
of, "Most people take all their clothes off, but you can get undressed to the
level of your comfort." Then she leaves the room. Do not feel intimidated
by "most people" who all so bravely get naked for their massages. it's up
to you if you want to keep your underwear or some clothes on, and It's OK
either way. Refer to Rule # 8 in Chapter 7, "It's cool to be nude (or not)."
2. After the massage therapist is out of the room, remember to take your
time. Don't worry about getting barged in on, cause it ain't gonna
happen. She knocks before coming back in, and usually she waits much
longer than necessary to make sure you have plenty of time. Take this
opportunity to remove Jewelry, watches, and anything else that may
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entangle a finger (wedding bands are okay). Usually, there is a little table
or shelf to hold your belongings, and you can find a hook for your
clothes. If you have long hair, you may want to tie it back so It doesn't
get in the way. Also, it's a good idea to visit the bathroom before you lay
down on the table, even if you don't think you have to go. Getting a mas-
sage with a full bladder takes a lot of the enjoyment out of it.
3. Lie down on the table in the position you were told and pull the sheet or
towel up over your body, completely covering yourself.
4. The massage therapist knocks and asks if it's okay to enter again. When
you give the go-ahead, she comes in, and then usually washes her
hands. She does this for three reasons:
• To reassure you that her hands are clean
• To wash away any dirt or germs she may have contacted since
scrubbing them the last time a few minutes earlier
• In many areas the law requires it
5. She makes sure you're comfortable, checking the room temperature,
tucking the towel around your body, and adjusting the lights and music.
She may also slip a little pillow or piece of foam rubber beneath your
knees, ankles, or head to help support you. These cushions are called
bolsters, and they really help you feel more comfortable. If you feel a
strain or lack of support in any area of your body, just let the massage
therapist know.
6. After everything's set, your massage therapist uncovers just the area that
she is going to work on. If she plans to massage your neck, she pulls the
sheet down to the top of your chest. Massage therapists always leave
women's breasts covered, and no one's "private parts" ever get exposed.
Sometimes no matter how hard you try, all these massage rules go out the
window. Like the time I was working at a spa and had the opportunity to mas-
sage Dr. Ruth Westheimer. I'll never forget the experience because, for one
thing, she threw her robe off before I ever had the chance to leave the room
and let her get undressed. Then, full of confidence, she strode to the massage
table and tried to climb aboard. I say "tried" because, as It turns out, she was
a little too short to reach. I wanted to reach down and give her a boost, but I
couldn't figure out how to do it without getting a little too personal with Dr.
Ruth, so I averted my eyes as best I could and offered ineffectual words of
general encouragement.
Luckily, she knew what to do. "Don't worry!" she chimed. "I've had this prob-
lem before!" Then she proceeded to push a chair up next to the massage
table, climb onto it, and from there crawl up onto the table, where I Immedi-
ately covered her with a sheet in the proper professional fashion.
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Avoiding the bathrobe dance
As a massage therapist in spas, on many occa- the bathrobe while remaining face down and
sions I've entered the massage room to begin a completely covered at all times. The client's
massage only to find my client lying there, face rump usually scoots up in the air, arms and
down, rigid with nervousness, with her bathrobe legs splay every which way, and her face turns
tied super-tight around her waist Before leav- bright red.
ing the room to let her disrobe, I'd instructed her
Then, after the robe is finally loosened from
to take her robe off and lie down under the sheet
around her body and her arms -are out of the
I'd provided, but some clients are too tense to
armholes, the massage therapist haste drape a
hear those instructions.
sheet or towel over it-before skillfully slipping
And so that's when we begin the bathrobe the robe from underneath. This entire procedure
dance. leaves the client even more tense than when
she started, and more embarrassed than she
The bathrobe dance is an awkward ordeal that
Would havebeen if she'd simply listened to the
usually last4 about two minutes. While the mas-
instructions.
sage therapist tries to assist as best he can, the
dent rolls, wriggles, and writhes herway out of
If you find yourself on the table still wrapped in your robe, make things easy
on yourself. Don't wear yourself out before the massage by wrestling with
your robe. Instead, say something like, "That was so silly of me," and ask the
massage therapist to leave the room again to give you another chance. Then
get off the table, slip out of your robe, and lie down beneath the sheet like
you were supposed to in the first place.
If, rather than a bathrobe, you have a towel wrapped around you before the
massage, make sure not to lie down directly upon the knotted part so you
have to do the "rock-n-roll" to loosen it. Instead, open the towel up and lie
straight on the table with the towel still covering your backside.
The first touch
The very first moment of contact between you and the massage therapist can
tell you an awful lot about how the rest of the massage is going to feel. Each
massage therapist has a "personality" in her hands that you quickly get to know.
When the massage therapist is closely attuned to you and your body, this
moment can be almost sacred. It's an intimate Joining-together of your con-
sciousness with the consciousness of another person, which Just plain
doesn't happen that often in the modern world.
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Take advantage of this initial contact by tuning in especially closely to what's
happening in your own body. In the same way that you pick up a lot of infor-
mation about the person who's touching you, she's picking up a lot of
information.about you. It's a good opportunity for you to concentrate on
your breathing and relaxation.
During the massage
During the massage, your massage therapist continues to keep you covered
at all times, only exposing those areas that she's working on at the moment.
Massage therapists are experts at this technique, called draping, and they
make you feel completely comfortable, almost as if you were fully dressed
during the experience.
Yes, you are comfortable and modestly covered the whole time, but what are
you supposed to actually DO while you're getting a massage? That's the
biggest problem many people have, especially "type A" people. They figure
that getting a massage is just plain boring and that's why they decide not to
do it.
Okay, so getting a massage is not exactly the same as bungee jumping from a
hot-air balloon, attending a rock concert, or brokering a multi-million dollar
deal in a corporate boardroom. But if you let it, massage can become com-
pelling, thrilling even, in a very internal kind of way. It's like taking a roller
coaster ride inside your own skin.
The trick is not to try and make anything happen, but to Just let whatever
happens happen. You're not supposed to do anything. Your massage thera-
pist tells you if you have to move a certain way or breathe a certain way or
visualize a certain image. Besides that, the less you do the better. Think of
massage as a trip to the beach. You're supposed to just lie there and do
nothing.
"But what if I fall asleep?" you gasp. "Wouldn't that insult the massage thera-
pist?" Not at all. In fact, some massage therapists take it as a compliment that
they can get their clients to relax this deeply. However, your creative input to
the massage process is just as valuable as the massage therapist's input, so
it's better if you stay awake. And, If you snooze through a massage, you may
be missing some of the most pleasurable moments of your life. Who wants to
pay good money for a nap?
If you're the type that cannot conceive of an entire hour spent doing nothing,
try this: Talk to the massage therapist about things that matter, like your
health. Most massage people are pretty well versed in the art of taking-care-
of-yourself, and you stand a good chance of having a conversation that goes
beyond mere chitchat, offering you some real benefits.
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Under pressure
So, what's the righta mount of pressure to ask for 4-6 Moderate to moderately firm. This is where
during a massage anyway? Pressure refers to most massage takes place. You can defi-
how hard or softthe massage feels, how painful nitely feel some pressure, and you know
or soothing. Usually, your massage therapist has the massage is having some definite physi-
a lot of experience in this area and can find just cal effects, but never so much that it's
the right pressure to suit your particular body annoying.
type and your level of sensitivity. But there may 7-9 Arm to very firm to deep. At these levels,
betimes when you want her to change the pres- you may begin to squirm a little. And you
sure, and it helps if you know what to ask for. may even say something like, "What are
It's silly to suffer through a massage that's too you trying to do, kill me?" Rest assured, the
soft or too hard just because you're too bashful massage therapist is not trying to kill you.
to say anything about it You can use this scale She's just being merciless in her attempt to
from 1-10 to communicate your desired pres- root out and destroy any tightness she's
sure level to your massage therapist found. Mercilessness can be a good quality
in a massage therapist.
1 Light as a feather. The fingertips merely
skim over the surface.of the skin to provide 10 Profoundly deep massage. This level
stimulation to the nerve endings, but no reaches to the core of your body's deeper
pressure is exertedonto the body. structures, actually altering your posture
and inner alignment. This should be
2-3 Very light tolight Many people prefer this reserved for masochists, people with a high
kind of silky, gliding touch, but it drives pain tolerance, and those who know what
Others crazy bacause they think the mas- they're doing.
sage therapist isn't "getting in there and
workingthe niuscles.-
If there is a distraction of some sort, such as a loud noise or a telephone ring-
ing, try not to take it personally. Nobody is out to ruin your massage
experience. Instead of letting an Interruption spoil things for you, focus
Instead on the exchange of positive energy between you and the person
giving you the massage.
Keep communicating. When appropriate during the massage, give feedback
to your massage therapist. Words spoken about the massage help keep you
focused on the massage. If at any point you want the massage therapist to
change what she's doing, you have a right to let her know. After all, you're
paying, and the customer is always right. Let her know what you want, which
may include:
n
mg More pressure or less pressure. This is often referred to on a scale from
U 1 to 10 (see the sidebar, "Under pressure" in this chapter).
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05 Part II: The Art of Receiving Massage
Jov More or less time spent fn a particular area. But be aware that the mas-
sage therapist may be using her knowledge to achieve a certain goal,
working in the area that's most effective, even if you think It's not
directly connected to your problem.
3 A glass of water.
3 A trip to the bathroom.
3 A chance to express your feelings and ask for reassurance, especially if a
strong emoticurbegins to surface during your massage.
Beware of the massage therapist who claims she can only perform "deep"
work and then proceeds to pummel your body even after you request lighter
pressure. It's never necessary to undergo a painful ordeal In order to experi-
ence the relaxation you seek.
Coming back slowly
Take it easy getting off the table and back into your life. There's no need to
hurry. In fact, most massage therapists suggest that you just lay there and
absorb the effects of the massage and the relaxation for a few minutes before
getting up again. Unless you're late for something urgent, such as an interna-
tional plane trip to go receive the Nobel Prize at an awards banquet being
held in your honor, follow this suggestion. These few minutes can be an
exquisite interlude during which your cares and concerns seem a million
miles away. Relish it.
Then, when you finally decide to get up, don't be shy about asking for help if
you need it, as you may feel a little wobbly at first.
There is a special way to get yourself off a massage table that helps you keep
the effects intact. Instead of essentially doing a sit-up and re-tensing all your
muscles in order to get upright again, simply roll onto your side and push
gently against the table with both hands while you slowly roll back into a sit-
ting position. Your feet and legs will end up hanging over the edge of the
table, as you see illustrated in Figure 8-1. Then you can slide your rear-end off
the table like a buttered pancake.
Afterglow
When you first step on the floor again, exercise caution because massage oil
left on the soles of your feet can cause you to slip. Take your time getting
dressed, making sure you're not forgetting anything. It's not necessary to take
a shower, as your skin absorbs normal amounts of oil or cream, though you
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Chapter 8: Your First Massage Appointment — Step-by-Step
may want to take one if you're going out later. If the massage therapist used
excess oil, you can wipe it off with a towel or some rubbing alcohol before
putting clothes back on, especially silk garments.
Figure 8-1:
There's a
right way
and a wrong
way to get
off a mas-
sage table.
This is the
right way.
Take some time to reorient yourself. Be cautious about driving your car right
away as you may feel a bit "disconnected," as if your body were inside of a
big box filled with cotton.
Before you leave, take the massage therapist's business card, and consider
making another appointment so you don't have to worry about it later.
To tip or not to tip
You're all ready to head out the door when suddenly it occurs to you that
perhaps you should tip the person who just gave you the massage. Is it
appropriate? Would she be insulted if you gave her a tip? Upset if you didn't?
The answer is ... "it depends."
It depends upon where you received the massage. Was it a spa? Then a tip Is
almost always expected, unless the spa has a policy against it. Was it at a
sports medicine clinic? Then tips are not usually part of the procedure. Did
you receive the massage at home? Then a tip is definitely appreciated, as the
massage therapist went out of her way to provide the service.
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110
Overcoming the heebie jeebies
ifrevingter trying seine of thasuggestionsin world of massage therapy, these feelings of
this chapter, you're stillharboring &tiny bitot anxiety are known by the technical term
fear and loathing about massage somewhere in "heebie-jeebies." Unless'you grew up in a
your subconscious inind; that's all right.ffe h the household.where massage was as common as
same way; too, the first time I.disrobed for a ses- Saturday morning cartoons, the heebie-jeebies
sion as a student at the Massage Moot of may present a problern when you're first getting
SantaMonica-Manyyears age. readyto climb up on a massage table and simply
It's perfectly naturalle feel somewhat anxious
receive.
atthe thought of somebody yoadon't even know My advice? Feenhe fear and do it anyway.
touching you for an extended period of time. Plunge in and get that massage. Afterwardsrif
And the thought of somebody you do know Vetere like 99.9 percent of all people; you say to
touching you. for a whole hour may even be yourself, "Thatwasn't soled! Why didn't I do
worsel In the highly sophisticated, jet-setter this along time ago?"
Some massage therapists feel tipping for a massage is inappropriate. They
want their work to be considered in the same category as any other health
care provider's. You wouldn't tip your chiropractor, your homeopath, or your
M.D., right?
So how do you know what to do? Tipping ultimately boils down to an under-
standing with the massage therapist. If you're at all uncertain, simply ask, "Is
tipping allowed here?" The customary tip amount in most locations is usually
in the $5410 range, more if the massage therapist is working late, went far
out of her way, or did an especially good Job. And, remember, you never hove
to tip for massage. It's not like tipping a waiter, who's making the bulk of his
income through gratuities. Massage therapists are usually pretty well paid for
what they do. Tips are the icing on the cake for them.
Where to Go to Get Massaged
You have an array of choices when it comes to where you receive a profes-
sional massage, ranging from right in your own bedroom all the way up to
super luxurious spa resorts on the island of Maui. I personally recommend
Maul. Wherever you are, it helps if you know a little bit about each environ-
ment and what you can expect when you receive a massage there. That's
what this section's all about.
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Your own home
Getting a professional massage in your own home is great. In fact, some
people think it's the crème de la creme of massage experiences. You don't
have to drive anywhere. You're in safe, familiar surroundings. And, best of all,
afterwards all you have to do is roll over into your own bed or onto your own
couch. The massage therapist leaves, and you float off on a wave of bliss in
the comfort of your own home.
What could be better?
However, there are some downsides to the in-home massage visit. For one
thing, you're basically inviting a stranger to set up her business right in your
own bedroom or your den, which is kind of an invasion of privacy. And
another thing—when you're at home, you're surrounded by your own life.
Every detail is there to remind you of your pre and post-massage existence,
which may perhaps detract from the "escape" factor of your experience.
Then there are the distractions. If you have children, you can pretty much
count on them wanting to crawl up on the massage table with you and "help"
the nice massage person do her job. This is very endearing of the little tykes,
but it's not the straight and narrow road to total relaxation.
Only sign up for an in-home massage if you're comfortable with other people
in your private space and you can keep distractions to a minimum.
The massage therapist's home
Many massage therapists have a space set up in their own homes for giving
massage. This can range from a dinky little corner in one end of the living
room to an entire suite of offices with a separate entrance. You may like the
"personalized" feeling of visiting a massage therapist in her home, where you
can take advantage of the relaxing environment she has (hopefully) set up. On
the other hand, if you're the type of person who prefers a more clearly defined
edge between the personal and professional aspects of your transactions, the
massage therapist's home may not be the best choice of location for you.
Also, you have to take into account certain practical details as well, such as
whether or not the massage therapist has pets. If you're allergic to cats, and
the massage therapist's house is a veritable kitty kennel, you may break out
in a rash and not enjoy the massage at all.
A good massage therapist should put the rest of her life on hold while you're
in her home, but some have a tendency to attend to their own business while
you're there, answering the phone and the doorbell, for Instance, which can
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greatly detract from your experience. You may need to make an extra effort
to enforce rule # 9 from Chapter 7. You're the boss, even if you're in her
home, and for this hour you're in charge.
Spas
Some of the most beautiful massage environments in the world can be found
in spas, and you find out more about them in Chapter 15. Grand destination
spas dot the map in every state now, and if you look in your Yellow Pages,
you're likely to find a day spa that you can check out right in your own town.
While spas are often pleasant and luxurious, there are a couple things you
should keep in mind when signing up for a massage in one:
3 Massage therapists in spas only keep a (usually small) percentage of the
profits, which sometimes leads them to give less than their absolute
best work.
3 Massage Therapists in spas are "on the clock," and you're likely to get a
massage that is exactly 50 minutes long, so she has time to prepare the
room for the next client. It's a rare massage therapist who can still give
you a feeling of timeless bliss within that shortened hour.
3 Often, the style of massage given in spas is dictated by a lowest-
common-denominator mentality, and massage therapists are not allowed
to use their advanced techniques for fear of alienating a clientele who
wants "just a rubdown."
These warnings notwithstanding, there's no reason to believe you won't
receive an incredible massage in a spa. Some of the best massage therapists
work in them. Also, if you end up finding a massage therapist you really like,
you can ask her whether she also takes private clients outside the spa, which
may mean a better deal for her and a better massage for you. Be diplomatic
when doing this though, as many spas have a policy against their massage
therapists "stealing" customers in this way.
Cruise ships
Cruise ships are fun places to get massages, if you don't mind rocking back
and forth a little bit while you're on the table. Almost every ship has its own
spa, and you can visit for a half-hour or an hour of massage as easily as visit-
ing the midnight buffet. A massage during your cruise may add to the exotic
flavor of your trip, but there are a couple less-than-exotic points to keep in
mind as well:
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