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in the time and the effort to make 
they love them 
more than they love you, then your 
spouse becomes 
your ex-spouse. If you get beaten 
up by 
other suitors, who can you 
complain to?) 
8. Sensuality is like a steak 
hammer. (Anyone who 
gets involved with sensuality will 
be putting 
their own life at risk.) The more 
beautiful or 
handsome you spouse, the more 
risky is your 
marriage. You know your husband 
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finishes 
work at four in the afternoon. Why 
is he still 
not home at six o'clock? Has there 
been an accident 
or is he having a secret affair? The 
more 
attractive they are, the more you 
have to worry 
about. As the result, instead of 
your marriage 
bringing you happiness, the 
ensuing worry ages 
you before your time. 
9. Sensuality is like a spear. (It 
has the tendency 
to wound you). It is like teeth and 
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a tongue 
which share the same mouth. 
Sooner or later 
you will end up biting your tongue. 
The fights 
which grow up within a marriage 
are some of 
the most painful to all concerned, 
and eventually 
you end up dividing up the 
children between 
you as if they were nothing more 
than 
puppies or kittens. 
10. Sensuality is like a snake 
head. (If you have 
anything to do with it, you have 
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always to be 
on your guard. There is no time 
you can be off 
your guard. You have to be 
thinking all the time, 
"Do they really love me or are they 
just pretending 
to love me? Did they have an 
ulterior motive 
in loving me?" Suspicion grows 
like a canBlessing 
Thirty-Two: Practising the 
Brahma-Faring 365 
cer in a marriage. Especially when 
your spouse 
is not a particularly moral person, 
the level of 
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suspicion will be all the greater 
and the suffering 
greater too, as the result.) 
In fact the Buddha had many more 
metaphors for 
sensuality than this. Thus if you 
are yet to get yourself 
a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse, 
train yourself 
in meditation more and more and 
when you 
attain inner brightness, you will 
soon find a happiness 
which is superior. The thought of 
marriage will 
disappear of its own accord. As for 
those who are 
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already married, there is no need to 
go encouraging 
divorces. If someone doesn't yet 
have any children, 
maybe they would prefer to keep 
in that way. 
If someone has a certain number of 
children already, 
maybe they can be content with the 
number they 
already have. Chastity can offer a 
bright future to 
all who can practice it. 
D.2 Ways to Practise the 
Brahma faring 
Many of the ways of practising 
chastity have already 
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been covered in previous 
Blessings. However, 
we come back to these again 
because chastity can 
be practised at many levels. There 
are ten ways of 
practising chastity and as usual 
they range from 
the easy to the difficult: 
The Brahma-faring at the 
Lowest Level 
• Generosity [dAna]: Once your 
mind is already 
purified by austerity, the first thing 
you must do 
is to practise generosity. The 
reason why we must 
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be generous, because possessions 
surplus to our 
needs will be chinks in the armour 
via which sensuality 
can form attachments. An excess 
of possessions 
will attract people to love us for 
our 
wealth. 
• Service: [veyyavajja] To give 
our time and effort 
to help with good works or do 
favours to others 
in need. If there is an ordination 
then you should 
do your best to help them. If the 
neighbours are 
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making a new road you should 
help them. Pick 
up litter that has fallen at the side 
of the road 
and help to put it in the bin. Help 
them when 
they are organizing KaEhina 
offerings or the offering 
of `forest robes'. If they are 
building a new 
hospital or library, see what you 
can help with. 
If you see someone's car has 
broken down, you 
should help to push it. In a word, it 
is using 
strength surplus to our needs to 
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help others. 
Often if we have too much effort 
unused, it becomes 
sensually directed instead, so you 
have 
to be quick to use it for more 
constructive ends. 
• Keeping the Five Precepts: You 
should keep the 
Five Precepts purely. You will 
notice that keeping 
the Five Precepts seems to be 
included in almost 
every form of Dhamma study. The 
Precepts 
are unlike many other items of 
virtue which can 
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be compared to steps on the 
stairway of Buddhist 
practice, the Five Precepts can be 
compared 
to the banister. The banister is 
always as long as 
the stairway itself 
unlike the 
steps which each 
only extend a little way. Thus 
whenever you 
speak of another virtue, you 
always take for 
granted that that virtue comes 
within the guidelines 
of the Five Precepts (whether they 
are specifically 
mentioned or not). Concerning 
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we should establish ourselves 
firmly in the Five 
Precepts so that we don't go 
messing about with 
other people's husbands and wives 
and creating 
trouble for ourselves in the long 
term. 
The Brahma-faring at the 
Middle Level 
• Spreading Loving Kindness 
limitlessly 
[apamafaia]: This is the spreading 
of good 
wishes and forgiveness to all 
without exception 
— even if they are enemies or 
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those who have 
hurt us in the past. Thinking to 
yourself, that we 
are all in the same predicament of 
old age, sickness 
and death, so why create further 
suffering 
for ourselves by disharmony? Be 
careful to distinguish 
between spreading loving kindness 
and 
spreading affection [rAga]. If you 
spread loving 
kindness properly it will give the 
feeling as if 
the whole of the world is like our 
own children 
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366 A Manual of Peace: 38 Steps 
towards Enlightened Living 
— because we wish that all of 
them could enjoy 
happiness. Don't go mistakenly 
spreading the 
feeling that you would like 
everyone in the world 
to fall in love with you. This is no 
longer loving 
kindness. Loving kindness has no 
admixing of 
sensual desires. 
• Contentment with one's own 
spouse [sadarasantusa]: 
Whether you still find your spouse 
attractive 
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or not, or less attractive than the 
neighbours 
is something you have to put 
behind you 
now because you have gone ahead 
and married 
them. You were the one who chose 
your spouse 
for yourself. You don't have to 
blame anyone 
else. Cultivating limitless loving 
kindness towards 
others without exception and 
contentment 
with your spouse will limit the 
scope of 
our sensual desires. 
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• Abstention from sexual 
relations [methunavirati]: 
This item applies specifically to 
those who do 
not yet have a family or a spouse 
of their own 
— or who are religiously ordained 
in some 
sense. If you are single or an 
ordained person, 
you should think to yourself, "I'm 
strong 
enough to be independent — I 
don't need to rely 
on anyone else to do my ironing or 
to replace 
me as the bread-winner" and keep 
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yourself single. 
Reflecting on the ten comparisons 
for sensual 
desire we have already mentioned, 
you will 
soon see that sensual restraint is 
the key to your 
own freedom. 
The Brahma-faring at the 
Highest Level 
• Persistence [viriya]: This is the 
fortitude to practice 
meditation continuously for the 
whole of 
your life. This refers to the four 
components met 
in the previous blessing i.e. not 
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doing evil that 
you have never done; giving up 
evil you have 
already done; doing all the good 
things you have 
not yet done, and; continuing to do 
the good 
things you have done before. 
• Keeping Eight Precepts 
[uposatha]: For those who 
are single, this means keeping the 
Eight Precepts 
the whole of the time. Those who 
are married 
or who have their own family, they 
might start 
by keeping the Eight Precepts on 
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the quartermoon 
days, then on the quarter moon 
days and 
the day before the quarter moon 
days too, then 
on the quarter moon days and the 
day before 
the quarter moon days and on the 
day (i.e. Monday, 
Tuesday, Wednesday...) of your 
birthday 
and your spouse's birthday. The 
people of old 
lent a lot of importance to keeping 
the Eight 
Precepts on one's birthday —
reasoning that otherwise, 
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